


superhuman

by midnightmxnwalk



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, Gen, Get ready for an emotional rollercoaster, So much angst, Superhuman, The plot is intense, Very long, i spent months planning this, nct - Freeform, nct 127, powers, superpower, theyre still idols, this is going to be very long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-31 10:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightmxnwalk/pseuds/midnightmxnwalk
Summary: It had looked like the apocalypse. Flooded streets, collapsed buildings, a figure floating in the sky. Fire everywhere, rivers of blood and corpses.-with the clock ticking down til the end of the world, the members of 127 must learn to control their powers all whilst having targets painted on their backs.the secrets and lies don’t seem all that consequential at first, not until it’s too late to fix everything.
Comments: 61
Kudos: 87





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh okay here goes

It was as if the gates of hell had been wrenched open. Pure carnage, utter destruction. The end of the world, some people called it. For those that died, it certainly was.

There was a particular building in which it had all started: a hotel by the name of Serai. There was nothing particularly special about it, and no one of much importance was staying there. Your average three star hotel in New York City.

Well, that was what most people thought. But on the 23rd of April, police cars surrounded the building, the officers running in.

The officers that went in did not make it out.

There had been a distinct smell of something burning. And then in a flurry of heat and light, flames had erupted from room 207, spreading over the entire building in a matter of seconds. The fire was crackling with intensity, the brightness almost enough to blind someone.

At the same time that this was happening, a few blocks away was a group of tourists, enjoying their day in the city. The tour guide, Sam, had just been explaining the significance of the famous New York hot dog stands, when he let out an odd choking sound. The air in his lungs had just been ripped out of him. He coughed, and gasped, and spluttered, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't take in anymore.

He fell to the ground, convulsing, before his body stilled. The tour group did not have time to be terrified as they too, could not breathe.

The street became soundless.

A block away, street lamps were being bent over, cars were thrown through the air; human beings were used as bullets, shooting at each other. The pavement was stained red, the buildings had corpses stuck to them like dead insects.

Sarah tried to protect her daughter, she tried to run away to safety. They were both thrown through the window of an office building.

Above this street, a figure floated in the sky. They were too high up to have an identifiable face. Their arms hung limply, their head drooping backwards. They were still, unmoving. It was a rather serene sight compared to the bloodbath below them. That was, of course, if you were unable to hear the cracking of their bones as they broke, fracture by fracture.

It was impossible for the police to fight against the chaos. Hurricanes and tsunamis raged across the city, the earth was shaking as it ripped itself apart.

And the fire was there, an unstoppable force. Burning with no hesitation, leaving ashes in its wake. Everyone thought that it would consume the whole of New York.

But it stopped when the breath left a certain person's lips.


	2. Chapter one

_January 5th, 2017_

It had been replaying Doyoung's mind like a broken record. He couldn't stop thinking about what he'd seen. It had been several minutes but he couldn't make sense of it. Jaehyun, who sat beside him in the van gave him a funny look for not joining in the conversation amongst the members, but didn't comment on it.

"Mark, your hair is genuinely making me crave ramen." Haechan's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Why? It's just my hair?"

Doyoung tried to ignore the voices. What had he just seen? It had looked like the apocalypse. Flooded streets, collapsed buildings, a figure floating in the sky. Fire everywhere, rivers of blood and corpses.

He tried to remember every detail before it blew away, like dust falling through his fingers. The streets hadn't looked like Seoul, he didn't know exactly where it was. Where had the fire been coming from? It had kept appearing and consuming the building with no limit. And the strength of the wind as it blew entire buildings over... He'd almost felt it himself.

"Okay, but it _looks_ like ramen."

He'd had visions before, visions that had become reality, but he'd never seen something like this. Surreal, yet so real. How far away was it from happening? How much longer before, well, the end of the world? What terrified him the most was that his visions always came true. He just hoped that this would be an exception.

"It doesn't!"

"Everyone agrees that's it _does_."

"At least I don't look like a rabbit."

"Hey." Doyoung couldn't help himself from grumbling in response, which was met with laughter from the other members. He sighed, trying to concentrate. The figure in the sky, what had they looked like? He strived to remember, but all the details were fading away.

The van came to a stop, bringing Doyoung back to his senses. Whether what he'd seen was a reality or not, he had to face the reality in the present. He jumped out of the van, and followed the others.

"Okay, it's our first stage for Limitless." Taeyong said as they walked into the building. "Johnny, don't be nervous, okay?"

"Me? Nervous?" Johnny replied with a halfhearted laugh. "I'm fine." His laugh told otherwise, though.

"If you say so." Taeyong left it at that. Everyone knew of the nerves and queasiness before their own debut stages - the nerves that never really went away completely, no matter how many stages you did. Doyoung felt nervous too; it was his first stage performing as a member of 127. He'd momentarily forgotten about it when he was thinking about his vision. But now everything came crashing in, the adrenaline building up.

He lost full awareness of his surroundings, as stylists crowded around him. It had been like this before, a numbness to reality. He wasn't caught up in thoughts either, his mind was just blank. Time passed quickly like this, which he couldn't decide if he was thankful for or not. Having more time would allow him to prepare himself. On the other hand, it would also allow the nerves to build up even more.

The stage went well, the sound of everyone catching their breath resonating as they headed back to the dressing room to get their things. As the usual chatter broke out, Doyoung's mind drifted back to his vision. Where was it? It didn't look like anywhere he'd been, but it looked familiar, as if he'd seen it in a film or something. Traffic lights had fallen onto the ground, they'd been painted yellow. Where was a place in which the traffic lights were yellow?

He held in a sigh of frustration, and pulled out his phone. He typed in 'yellow traffic lights', but all that came up was about the actual light colours. Several different variations of that search all came up with the same result. He put his phone away, knowing it wouldn't be that easy.

He tried to start from the beginning, keep things simple. It had been a city, with towering skyscrapers. The streets had looked busy. There were the yellow traffic lights, and lots of cars - lots of _yellow_ cars. Taxis? He tried searching for that instead, and pulled up a webpage. He skimmed the article, and saw city names. Chicago, Paris, London, New York, Washington D.C. Three of those were in the US, so the chances were higher that it was-

"Doyoung, what are you doing? We're leaving." His manager interrupted his flow of thought.

"Yes, sorry, sir." Doyoung hastily apologised and gathered his things, before being ushered out the door. As they entered the van, Jaehyun spoke to him.

"Are you alright? You've been quiet for ages." He asked, naturally not able to contain his curiosity. Doyoung suppressed another sigh.

"Just got a lot on my mind." Technically the truth. Just a _lot_ left unsaid.

"Do you... want to talk about it?"

"Not really." Doyoung said bluntly. He saw Jaehyun roll his eyes.

After practicing in the studio for a couple of hours, the ride back to the dorm was more silent. Most people slept or listened to music. Doyoung was tired, but he knew from the familiar headache he had that if he closed his eyes he'd get another vision. Sometimes they came anyway. He didn't have much control over it. The members who'd known him for longer just thought that he was prone to regular migraines. Technically the truth, again. The migraines just also came with generally horrifying visions that nearly always came true.

When they arrived at the dorm, Doyoung made a beeline for his room, wanting to avoid talking to the others - namely Jaehyun, who wasn't going to let this go anytime soon, knowing him. He collapsed on his bed, exhausted. _Please don't follow me in_, he thought but nope. Yuta and Sicheng came in too. The downside of sharing a room was that you rarely ever got privacy.

"I'm having a shower." Doyoung got up, and left the room immediately. He managed to snag a bathroom before someone else got in, and closed the door with a sigh that he'd been putting off for too long. His headache suddenly worsened, and he clutched his head, grabbing the doorframe as the vision began.

Taeyong appeared in his vision. It was in the kitchen of their dorm, somewhere familiar this time. He saw fire again, coming from the stove. The vision blurred, but when it refocused, he saw Taeyong's arm aflame. The other members were there, Taeyong was pushing them away. His arm was _on fire_ but he seemed oddly unconcerned about it. The vision blurred again, and Taeyong's arm was no longer on fire. Taeyong ran out of the kitchen. Then everything blurred.

Doyoung woke up lying spreadeagled on the floor. At what point he'd fallen down, he didn't know. He heard knocking on the bathroom door, and opted to ignore it as he sat up and came to his senses. He sighed, not knowing what that vision had been about. His visions were always fragmented, he had to put the pieces together himself.

"Hey, who's in here? Can you hurry up?" Johnny's voice came from outside, and more knocking ensued.

"It's me," Doyoung replied,"I'm nearly done." He hadn't even showered. How long had he been out for?

He quickly wet his hair in the sink, and changed into the different clothes he'd brought with him, to make it look like he had showered. He could really do without suspicious questions.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asked him once he stepped out. "You look really awful."

"I'm fine." Doyoung replied. "Just a migraine." And the visions that came with it.

He went back into his room, glad to see Yuta and Sicheng distracted by something on Yuta's phone. He'd had enough questioning for today. He just wanted to sleep.

Unfortunately sleep seemed to come with nightmares and visions which were both indistinguishable. The fire seemed to constantly be in his mind, burning and burning, and leaving ashes in its wake. He saw the apocalypse again, the same as before, just pure destruction. Jaehyun and Johnny's voices echoed throughout his mind, _are you alright?_, but he wasn't, not when he was seeing this.

Watching the buildings crumble and sink into the flood of water below. Street lamps bent over with deafening creaks, he heard the shouts and cries of the people in the streets. He heard an indistinguishable voice, "_I'm sorry, Doyoung, I should have listened to you."_, so close that it could have been speaking into his ear.

The dream shifted, and he saw a figure standing in the rain in the middle of a road. A car came straight towards them, but someone pulled them out the way. The car swerved, and everything blurred.

"Hyung, wake up!" He groaned, blocking out the voice and burrowing further into his duvet. He wanted to _sleep_. His body was shaken gently, and he groaned again. Blearily opening his eyes, he saw Mark half heartedly trying to awake him.

"What is it?" He murmured.

"Taeyong's making dinner. I thought you'd want to wake up and help him." Doyoung nodded in response, standing up.

"I think he overdid it today." Mark continued in a low voice. "He looks really tired, but he hasn't taken a break since we got home. I'd help him myself, but I'd only make more of a problem by getting in the way..."

"Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on him as well." Doyoung replied, heading off to the kitchen. As usual, Taeyong was putting everyone else's needs before his own. It wasn't something that could be stopped; he was stubborn in that way, stubbornly selfless.

"Hyung, I've come to help you." Doyoung said as he walked into the kitchen. Taeyong turned around with a grateful smile. "What are you making?"

"Just a simple soup. Could you cut up the vegetables, please?" Taeyong gestured to the various vegetables laid out ready on a chopping board. Doyoung nodded, and got to work.

Soon the kitchen was filled with the enticing smells of the soup as it simmered on the stove. As expected, the other members began appearing in and around the kitchen, drawn by the smell of dinner.

"What are you cooking?" Yuta asked as he strolled in, making his way over to the stove.

"Don't get in the way." Doyoung said, making a shooing gesture with his hand. Yuta wasn't fazed by it. Just as Doyoung was about to physically drag him out of the kitchen, his elbow hit the stove knob.

"Hey, you just turned the stove off!" Taeyong exclaimed, and Yuta edged to the kitchen door with a sheepish look on his face. Doyoung scowled at him, making threatening gestures with his hands whilst muttering various threats. Taeyong struck a match to light the stove again.

"What's Yuta done this time?" Taeil and Winwin appeared in the doorway.

The lights went out. There was darkness for a millisecond, during which Doyoung processed it as a power cut, before flames erupted from the stove. Doyoung's heart skipped a beat. It was just like his vision. Taeyong must've dropped the match in surprise.

"Get back!" Taeyong waved them away from the stove frantically. As he did, the sleeve of his shirt got caught in the fire. Doyoung saw it the moment it happened.

"Taeyong, your arm!" He shouted. "Quickly, put it out!" Taeyong hadn't heard the first part through the yells of all the other members who had gathered when hearing the commotion. He turned to the stove again, grabbing a dishcloth and trying to smother the flames. "Your arm!" Doyoung yelled desperately. Taeyong heard him this time, and squeaked in fear when he realised it was on fire. He ran over to the sink and shoved it under a stream of cold water. Doyoung ran over to the stove, and with the efforts of Yuta and Taeil, managed to put the fire out. They were now in darkness again.

Mark turned on his phone light, and ran up to Taeyong. "Hyung, are you hurt?" He exclaimed, checking Taeyong's arm for burning. Taeyong just stood there, his eyes looking distant and confused. Doyoung couldn't see much from the light of Mark's phone, but it didn't look like there was any injury at all. Taeyong's arm looked fine.

"That doesn't make sense, it was on fire." Doyoung muttered, gently pushing Mark out the way and examining it himself. From what he could see, there was nothing. The phone gave limited light, though. After a while of silence, Taeyong spoke.

"I-I'm not having dinner." He ran out of the kitchen, accurate to Doyoung's vision.

"Taeyong, wait a second-" Doyoung called after him. Taeyong went back and stood in the doorframe.

"I'm gonna treat the burn. It was probably too dark for you guys to see it. Make sure you all eat a proper meal, and not takeout." After that, he left.

"Like hell we're not having takeout." Johnny said.

"I guess we're ordering pizza for dinner, then." Doyoung muttered. "Who's gonna pay?"

"Johnny hyung!" Haechan immediately said.

"Hey-" Johnny couldn't even form a sentence as all the other members agreed with the youngest.

As the members began to debate over which pizzas they'd order, Doyoung rummaged around the house for some source of light other than phones. All he found were several yankee candles, which he lit and placed on the kitchen table. As he was doing that, his mind drifted to Taeyong. Was he okay? For the amount of time that the fire had been near his skin, it would've left a nasty burn.

He decided to check on him, and approached Taeyong's room. He knocked on the door.

"Taeyong, are you okay?" He said. No response. "Taeyong?" He jiggled the door handle, but it was locked. "Taeyong, answer me."

"Leave me alone." Taeyong's voice was barely more than a whisper.

"What's wrong?" Doyoung asked.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired. Please, I want to be left alone."

"Okay. Fine." Doyoung decided not to push it. "I'll bring you some leftovers later in case you get hungry."

He retreated back to the kitchen, where steaming boxes of pizza now lay, the smell of grease mingling disgustingly with the scented candles. He dug in with the other members, finding himself ravenously hungry after their day of schedules and practicing.

In between mouthfuls, a handful of people made conversation. Doyoung half listened, getting caught up in his thoughts once more. Sometimes he wished he didn't get visions. They were always about something bad, and there was never any way to stop them. All it meant was that he wasn't surprised when he saw them unfold in front of his eyes. He was just filled with an indescribable sense of uselessness.

His forehead throbbed painfully again, and he grabbed it. Quickly excusing himself from the dinner table, Doyoung ran to his room. The vision came like a tidal wave, he felt cold.

He saw the figure in the rain again, but he could see the face this time. Taeil, Doyoung registered blankly, as the car hurtled towards him. Again, Taeil was pulled out the way, but this time Doyoung heard the screech of the car's tires on the road, the cursing of the driver. Everything faded to black, and a monotonous beeping echoed in his mind. It got quieter and quieter.

He opened his eyes and rubbed his forehead angrily. The headache was still piercing through his skull. Pondering his vision, he resolved to stick close to Taeil for the next few days. Someone did pull him away from the car in the vision, but Doyoung wouldn't allow himself to rely on that.

He had barely had time to regain his composure before the headache worsened, and he was plunged into the depths of his mind again.

Orange flames erupted from a building, the ashes falling to the ground like snowflakes. He could feel the heat of the flames against his skin, he could feel the earth shaking beneath his feet. He heard the groans of the building as the roof began to collapse in on itself. The neon sign hanging off the side fell to the ground with a clatter, sending sparks flying everywhere.

In the distance, a limp figure was slowly and steadily rising into the sky. It was too far away to make out the face, and Doyoung watched as they disappeared into the grey clouds. The building was still burning, creaking and crackling - it made Doyoung feel sick. Sirens were heard in the distance, but what caught Doyoung's attention was the figure in the sky falling, and falling, and falling until they hit the ground. A scream resonated, before everything went black.

"I think he's passed out."

"He's really pale, what do we do?"

A hand pressed up against Doyoung's neck. He suddenly realised he couldn't move, he couldn't open his eyes.

"He's got a pulse and he's breathing. Help me move him onto the bed." Doyoung felt his body lifted and placed onto his bed. He moved his eyes around, trying to open them, but as he did, he saw flashes of the fire again. He'd heard about sleep paralysis, but never imagined it would be so terrifying. He was breathing heavily, gasping for air; he couldn't _move_.

He finally opened his eyes, and slowly took in his surroundings. The other members crowded round him, staring at him with concern.

"Doyoung," Jaehyun asked, "What happened? Are you okay?"

Doyoung still felt as though he was paralysed, the shock rendering him speechless.

"I..." He didn't know what to say. "I guess I just fainted."

"You were sweating, and breathing really heavily. Your eyes were moving really fast. It was scary..." Mark said, his eyes wide.

"Don't worry." Doyoung replied. He had to pretend that he was fine. He couldn't raise suspicion, for fear of what they would think of him if they knew what he was. Crazy, psychic, insane, were a just few words that came to mind. "I'm okay, I feel fine."

That was a complete lie. He felt mentally and physically drained, the sweat was still coating his body, he was desperately trying to stop his hands shaking. He wanted to sleep but his sleep never came without dreams or visions. He just wanted blissful oblivion, he wanted to rest. He wanted a break from this vision bullshit.

"Are you sure we don't need to call a doctor or anything?" Johnny asked, still looking very concerned.

"No." Doyoung may have replied a little too fast. "It's late. I think we should all go to sleep."

He got a few apprehensive looks, but everyone slowly left the room, leaving him alone again. He didn't want to sleep. He was so fucking terrified. He'd never been this terrified of anything before.

His vision. The end of the world. The fire, the figure in the sky. He _had_ to stop it from happening. Yes, every single vision he'd ever had had always come true, but that didn't mean that this couldn't be an exception.

He was determined to make it an exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Let me know what you thought in the comments, and feel free to ask any questions.
> 
> Follow my twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting


	3. Chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s been ages and i felt bad so i broke my own rules and updated early! enjoy :)

_January 6th, 2017_

Something that Doyoung knew was that whenever he saw a vision, he was always present whenever it happened. His visions always affected him in some way or another.

Thus, he needed to figure out where and when this apocalypse was going to happen. Maybe if he could stop them from ever going there in the first place, he could stop this from happening. The other members didn't need to know. If he planned it right, they wouldn't even notice. The only problem was, he had very little spare time on his hands, especially as they'd just started promotions.

They were going on some variety show today, the name had slipped his mind. Filming was going to take at least two hours. Then they'd practice, practice, practice. Any spare time he had was in the usual time he'd sleep. Which wasn't a problem. He just wasn't sure how long he could last pulling an all-nighter every night. _Well_, Doyoung thought, _I guess I'll find out._

In the waiting room of the variety show, he did a mental recount of the cities with yellow taxies. Had to start somewhere, and this was where he chose to start. Three cities were in America, and he remembered the skyscrapers being massive, and if he wasn't mistaken, American cities tended to have some pretty large skyscrapers. It was risky to rule it down to this, though. Maybe... Maybe he could try to see the vision again and find more details. He didn't know if it would work. Most of the time his visions were all clustered into one day, and he wouldn't get anymore for a week. He'd never tried to see anything on purpose before, but it was worth a shot.

He closed his eyes, trying to separate himself from the real world. Trying to imagine the familiar feeling of fire in his temples. Either he had a very vivid imagination, or he was doing this right, as his head started throbbing. He took a deep breath.

He saw a stage, some Americans announcing something. This wasn't what he wanted to see! He barely understood a word, but he heard 'NCT' and suddenly another stage lit up, and they were there, it was _them_. They looked different, older, performing a song that he had never heard before. He was entranced by it for a few seconds, but tore his eyes away, because this wasn't what he'd wanted to see.

The vision shifted to a street, there was rain pouring from the sky. He saw a young girl standing in the middle of the pavement, absolutely drenched. And a gunshot echoed through the air-

"Doyoung!" His eyes snapped open, heart hammering intensely. He caught his breath, meeting eyes with Johnny, who was staring at him worriedly. "For a second I thought you weren't going to wake up like yesterday. Come on, filming starts in a couple minutes."

"Okay, thanks." Doyoung murmured, rubbing his eyes. God... He was never voluntarily having a vision again. It felt like ten years had been taken off his life. He felt completely drained of all his energy. Spotting a coffee cup on the table, he grabbed it and downed it, not caring who it belonged to.

Time for two hours of hell. Yay.

Normally he'd be able to be a little bit genuinely interested in the content of a variety show. He hadn't done that many before, after all. But he really... He really just wanted to leave. There were way more important things than some stupid unique party trick that was dubbed as a 'special talent'. He could be using this time for something productive, something important. But no, he had to sit there with a smile plastered on his face with superglue, literally hurting him.

When it was over, he could breathe a little more easily. Just a little. He tried to remember his vision. They'd performed on some American TV show, it didn't seem that important, but it had confirmed his suspicions about where all of this was happening. America. It was also slightly comforting, because they weren't going to America any time soon. He hoped, at least.

Back in the practice room, time dragged on for what seemed like forever. He just wanted to get back to the dorm so that he could get to work on this world saving mission. But each run through of the choreography seemed to last an hour each, yet after ten run throughs of the choreo, only half an hour had passed.

"Let's take a break, guys." Taeyong said after the eleventh run through, and Doyoung caught his breath, before downing a bottle of water. His head was pounding from exhaustion already, and his body drenched in sweat. Today had been too much for him; after deliberately seeing a vision, his body was drained of any energy it managed to maintain in the first place. All he wanted to do was sleep, but even after practice, he couldn't allow himself to. He _had_ to research his vision, and try to figure out what exactly was going on.

"I just can't get the right feel for that part." Taeil was talking to Yuta about the choreography.

"It's all about the technique - you have to really flick your wrist out quickly." Yuta replied. "If you want, we can stay behind after practice and I'll go over it with you."

"You don't have to stay, I'll just do some extra practice by myself. It can't be that hard."

"Ah, but hyung," Haechan said, "You have to put it into the context of your own skill level." This earned him a whack on the arm.

"Let's get back to practicing so we can just get it over with." Doyoung groaned, his body aching. He hadn't really been himself these past two days, the visions and exhaustion mentally tiring him out. He saw Jaehyun send him a raised eyebrow.

"Do you want to grab coffee after practice then, Doyoung?" Jaehyun asked as everyone stood up again. "You look like you need it."

"I want to sleep." He didn't. Unless he'd have a dreamless night, which never happened.

The rest of practice really consumed Doyoung's energy, his limbs weary from all the dancing. His head was pounding and he felt his sweaty practice gear stick to his body. If he was pulling an all-nighter tonight, he would need a _lot_ of caffeine.

"I might take you up on that offer." He said to Jaehyun as they left the studio.

"I thought you'd change your mind." Jaehyun grinned. "You look dead."

"I sort of feel dead." Doyoung hummed in response.

Outside, grey clouds were beginning to gather. The coffee shop wasn't far, just around the corner. It was a nice, modest little place that was often frequented by the members since it was so close. Potted plants hung from the ceiling, and the walls were decorated with abstract art.

Doyoung and Jaehyun took their usual seats by the window after placing their order. Doyoung had ordered two black coffees for himself, and Jaehyun hadn't commented on it. Maybe Doyoung really _did_ look exhausted.

He fiddled with the flower vase on their table, trying to keep himself occupied lest he pass out before his coffee arrived. Jaehyun was on his phone, most likely scrolling through social media.

"Here are your drinks." Doyoung felt himself let out a sigh of relief when he saw his coffees. He grabbed one of the mugs, not caring about how hot it was, and began just drinking it all in one go.

"Steady on." Jaehyun was looking at Doyoung slightly concernedly. "You'll burn your tongue."

"Don't give a shit." Doyoung said in a sing-song voice, resuming his drinking.

"What's got you so tired?" Jaehyun asked.

"Dunno." Liar. "Guess promotions are just taking more of a toll this time around."

"Just don't die before the fan sign, all the fans would kill you." Jaehyun joked.

"Ah, but they can't kill me if I'm already dead."

Jaehyun just chuckled in response to that, and the conversation drifted back into comfortable silence between the two. Doyoung relished in the warmth the coffee gave him, and by the time they were finished, the caffeine was already starting to kick in.

As they walked back to the dorm, the clouds were drizzling a little. It was the awful kind of rain, where it was all hot and humid. His hoodie barely shielded him, but it wasn't a long walk.

"You just missed Taeil," Johnny said when they entered the dorm, "He's gone back to the studio to practice."

"Must've taken the long route, we didn't see him on the way back." Jaehyun commented.

"I'm gonna shower and then call it a night." At this point, was there any occasion when Doyoung wasn't lying through his teeth? He sort of felt guilty, but no one else needed to know the things he knew. No one else deserved the pain of that burden.

The shower came out cold, but Doyoung found himself liking the coolness of it against his skin. It helped him stay awake and alert.

He went into his room, glad to find it empty. He really wanted to just collapse onto his bed. Instead, he took out his laptop. He'd only just logged in when the lights went out. Another power cut?

"No! That is not fair!" He heard the frustrated shouts of the members playing games in the living room. Jeez. Second time in two days that the power went out.

Putting his laptop down with a sigh, he walked to the living room, hearing the discussion between the members on his way.

"We should probably call a technician."

"I'll talk to the manager about it. It could just be the rain."

"Where's Taeil hyung?"

"This kid doesn't pay any attention to anything, I swear. He went to the studio, dumbass."

"Hey, who're you calling a dumbass?"

Doyoung froze. Taeil wasn't here. It was raining outside. His vision, that he had forgotten about because of the one that had followed.

_Shit._

Not bothering to even talk to the other members, he grabbed his coat and shoes, running out of the dorm as quickly as he could. Taeil took a different route to the studio, the one that went across a main road. Busy, full of cars that wouldn't be able to see right now due to the rain and darkness of the night.

All that Doyoung could think about was how much of an idiot he was to have forgotten that vision.

His head was pounding, the rain was cold against his skin. His feet were soaked as he went straight through puddles, and he could feel his socks plastered to his skin. At this point he was on autopilot, his mind was a jumble of worry and guilt.

He reached the main road, breathless.

And he saw Taeil in the middle of the crossing, he saw the car headed towards him. He ran, pulling Taeil out the way. The headlights shone in his eyes.

BAM.

He heard the screech of the tires before everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! if you have any questions or theories, don’t hesitate to comment down below :)
> 
> for more chaoticness, follow my twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting


	4. Chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry it’s been like two months life just kinda happened

_January 7th, 2017_

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Citizens of Seoul have noticed how much the amount of foreigners residing in the city have increased in the past few years. Some people welcome the change, interested in having international connections, whilst others feel burdened by the barrier of language between them. Older generations are outraged that basic english skills are now a requirement on most job applications. The younger generation..."

Doyoung squinted against the bright lights boring into him, feeling a morbid sense of deja vu. It took a while for his eyes to adjust, but he realised he was in a hospital room. The beeping of the monitor and the voice of the news presenter on the tv were on the verge of driving him insane.

He tried to remember why he was here. It came back to him, but slowly. Taeil standing in the middle of the road, a car headed towards him. Doyoung rushing forward, pulling him out the way. And, bam, crack, Doyoung was sent hurtling to the floor. The last thing he remembered was hearing the screech of the car tires and someone cursing loudly.

So in his vision, he'd seen himself; although he hadn't realised at the time.

He couldn't feel much pain right now. His entire body was numb. It was probably some anaesthetic that they'd got him on.

His neck was stiff, but he moved his head to the side to see a figure snoozing in the chair by his bedside. Sleep-deprived, messy hair, but a strangely serene look on his face as he slept.

Doyoung sighed in relief. So Taeil was okay after all.

He lay with his eyes closed for a while, almost drifting back to sleep at times. A proper night's rest was hard to come by, so Doyoung figured he may as well make the best of the time he had here.

The click of an opening door was enough to wake him up though.

"Ah, you're awake." A man, presumably a doctor, had entered the room. "I'll go fetch your manager and then we can all discuss the details of your injuries and what further treatment is required."

He left, and Doyoung sensed Taeil stirring beside him.

"Doyoung..." He muttered, rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't." Doyoung said sternly. "It was the driver's fault so you can't apologise when there's nothing for you to apologise for. Hyung." He quickly added the honorific on the end.

"But how come you were there at that exact moment?" Taeil asked. "You came out of nowhere, and if you hadn't, I'd be in your position right now. Probably worse."

"It was luck, I guess." Doyoung was becoming good at lying, and thinking on the spot. Maybe he should try out acting. "I was headed to the studio, kind of on a whim. Figured I might catch you on the way."

"Well, I'm glad you did." Taeil said, and paused for a few seconds. "But don't you ever throw yourself in front of a car again! Honestly, this kid thinks he's some kind of invincible hero."

Doyoung just smiled.

At this moment, the doctor and their manager entered. The doctor pulled two chairs up to the bed, and they both sat down.

"So, Doyoung-ssi, you'll be pleased to know that you miraculously haven't retained any major injuries from the incident." The doctor began. "You have sprained your left ankle, and have a lot of bruising, especially around your ribs. You also hit your head rather hard, so expect suffer migraines and dizziness for a few days." As if he already didn't. "You may leave the hospital, under the pretence that you will rest and not do any strenuous exercise or activities for a week."

Doyoung nodded. It was a bit shitty, right in the middle of promotions.

The doctor left, and their manager's expression was serious as he turned to talk to Doyoung.

"You are still to participate in all promotions."

"Right."

"As the injuries as minimal, the company would prefer it if word didn't get out about them to the general public."

"Okay." Doyoung replied, still nonplussed. Taeil's expression darkened, however.

"This also means that you will still participate in dancing and variety show activities."

"What?" Taeil exclaimed. "You can't do that, he's injured!"

"This was not my decision."

"I don't give a shit about who's decision it was, it's not right!" Taeil exclaimed, looking positively outraged.

"Hyung, just drop it." Doyoung tried to calm him down. No matter their protests, once the company had made a decision, they, as idols, had no power to change it.

"How can I drop it? You'll end up with an even worse injury." Taeil was still fuming, but as Doyoung tried to convey the unspoken 'there's nothing we can do', he seemed to calm down a little.

"We managed to cancel the morning schedule, but we are to leave straight away for a music show performance this afternoon. You two had better get ready." And the manager left the room, the door closing behind him with a click.

"I hate them." Taeil muttered with a dejected look on his face.

"It's okay. I'll be fine. I'll push through it." Doyoung said, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"You're supposed to not do strenuous activity."

"You know just as well as I do that they don't care about our health unless it concerns their bank account as well." Doyoung stood up, taking care to not put pressure on his left foot. "Besides, it's only four minutes of performing on stage, and then we're done. I can last for four minutes."

He was speaking to also reassure himself. He was pissed at the company as well, but there really wasn't anything anyone could do. Not without getting into big trouble, of course.

"Kid thinks he's an invincible hero..." Taeil muttered.

"You're making yourself look older by calling everyone a kid."

"It's not my fault you all act like them."

"Let's just go." Doyoung put on a hat and mask, and they headed out of the hospital to where the van was waiting. Aside from his physical injuries, Doyoung didn't feel too bad. That is, he wasn't feeling the normal headaches or exhaustion that were side effects normally lasting for days after visions.

The other members all began bombarding him with questions about whether he was feeling better, was he okay, and so on.

"I can't believe they're making you perform, hyung." Haechan said in a low voice, so that their manager sitting at the front wouldn't hear. "It's not fair."

"Yeah, I heard enough of that from Taeil already, and I'll tell you what I told him." Doyoung replied, feeling his head start to hurt again(he had jinxed it). "There's nothing we can do."

"Just because there's nothing we can do, that doesn't make it okay."

Doyoung sighed, resting his head against the window. It was stupid. They were just a bunch of kids trying to pursue music, their dreams, but they got treated like shit. Doyoung loved his career. But he often wondered if it was worth all the pain.

At the same time, he found it extremely difficult to try to imagine himself living a normal life.

As usual, the stylists worked some miracles and got rid of the fatigue that had overtaken Doyoung's face. He still felt it inside, however, and the throbbing of his ankle was ever present. He didn't like to do it, but he specifically asked to lip sync all of his parts. He needed to focus on not messing up the dance, and he knew that his singing wouldn't sound that great anyway right now.

"It'll be alright." Jaehyun put a reassuring hand on Doyoung's shoulder as they set out to the stage. Doyoung could only nod mutely. It wouldn't be alright if he messed up. So he just had to make sure that wouldn't happen.

The stage lights seemed brighter than usual today, they made the floor spin beneath him. He tried to centre himself, blinking away the dizziness. The music began, and he took a deep breath.

A step on his bad leg. And another. He counted the beats in his mind, he gave himself something to focus on. He was not feeling any pain, that was what he told himself, because that was what he had to make a reality. Throb, throb, throb. He bit the inside of his cheek. He started tasting blood, but that pain was what was distracting him from the bigger pain.

The lights went down, they held their poses for a few more seconds. As they began filtering off the stage, Doyoung felt Jaehyun's hand on his shoulder once more.

"Not until we're off the stage." He hissed, swallowing a mouthful of blood as he did. The bitter iron taste made him want to puke, but he held it in.

As soon as they _had_ left the stage, he sank down to the floor, his foot aching, his head pounding, his whole body in agony. Black spots swam before his eyes, everything was spinning. Everything hurt, and it hit him in that moment all at once.

"Doyoung," Jaehyun crouched down beside him, "Take deep breaths, okay?"

"I..." He was gasping as tears ran down his face. All of the stress had built up and it had been unleashed on him with no warning. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologise. Just breathe, okay?" Jaehyun pulled Doyoung into a hug. "It's gonna be alright."

"But it isn't going to be alright." Doyoung couldn't stop the words from spilling out of his mouth, as memories of fire invaded his mind again. "We-We're all going to die, the world is going to end and I can't fucking do anything about it!"

He paused, forgetting to breathe, as he realised the lunacy of what he'd just said.

"Doyoung..." Jaehyun looked at him worriedly. Doyoung avoided Jaehyun's gaze, only to find that the other members had been watching from a distance for the whole time. He felt his heart hammer against his chest.

"I..." He didn't know what to say. "It's nothing. I'm fine." His voice was small and shaky.

"No, you're not, Doyoung, you're clearly not fine-"

"Boys, what are you doing?" Jaehyun was cut off by their manager. "We're leaving soon."

There was a chorus of murmured apologies, and Jaehyun helped Doyoung to his feet. Doyoung felt embarrassed about his breakdown, and it didn't help that everyone was looking at him warily, like he was a bomb about to explode. He rubbed his hands over his face, as if that would get rid of the tears and the tiredness.

The van was silent as they rode to the studio. It had never been this silent before. Doyoung could feel everyone's eyes on him, staring and judging. His head was aching constantly, the pain never went away. Not even visions, just pain. He couldn't even think of how to stop it anymore, he felt so helpless. So stupid. He could barely keep his stress levels in check, let alone try and play the hero.

But he just couldn't pretend that he'd never seen it. How could he? How could he let it happen, knowing it would happen, but not trying to stop it? That would be selfish, it would be irresponsible. He must've seen it for a reason. He just didn't know what that reason was.

"Doyoung, I swear if you don't sit this practice out-" Taeyong said as soon as they entered the practice room.

"Yeah, it's okay, I will." Doyoung replied. He wasn't in the mood for arguing. He noticed Jaehyun was still staring at him. Why'd he have to be so goddamn observant?

The hours passed slowly, and Doyoung felt himself dozing off. It was hard to sleep with all the background noise, but he was so exhausted that once he shut his eyes he was asleep within a few minutes.

He woke up a while later, the other members still practising. His headache had eased a little, but naturally his foot was still throbbing.

Practice was soon over, and they all walked back to the dorms together, the entire group's exhaustion expressed through the lack of words exchanged between anyone. It could have just been wishful thinking, but Doyoung's foot didn't seem as bad as it had been in the morning. He was able to put a little more pressure on it now, and could walk - well, limp - without feeling any immense pain.

Doyoung could sense that the other members wanted to talk to him about his breakdown earlier. They probably thought that he'd gone crazy. As far as he was aware, he wasn't; he was teetering on the edge, though. The visions were a burden and each one felt like someone taking a hammer to his head.

"Doyoung," Jaehyun said as they walked inside the dorm, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, my ankle is feeling better already." Doyoung deliberately answered the question wrong.

"No, that's not what I mean. What... What you said earlier..." Jaehyun seemed to be struggling with how to phrase it without saying that Doyoung was mad. "It just made me worry a little. Why is the world ending suddenly bothering you?"

Doyoung sharply inhaled. He could tell the truth. Tell Jaehyun about his visions. Let it all out, finally confide in someone, and share his burden. All it took was a few words. But they seemed to be stuck deep in his throat.

"I've just... I've just been having bad dreams." Doyoung said quietly. It was the closest to the truth he could bring himself to say. "It's nothing to worry over. Everything had just sort of built up in that moment, and I couldn't really contain it anymore."

"Whatever it is you're going through, whether that be bad dreams or something else you're not telling me, I'm here for you, Doyoung. You don't have to go through it alone."

Doyoung felt a lump rise in his throat. "Thanks." He whispered. Jaehyun just patted his shoulder with a smile.

"I'm going to get an early night." This time Doyoung was actually telling the truth. He was so exhausted, that maybe the fate of the world could let him have a decent night's rest.

In bed, he tossed and turned, his head aching. The mattress felt uncomfortable tonight, pressing up against all his bruises, and it felt like he was sleeping on hard ground. He closed his eyes, ignoring their throbbing, trying to force himself to sleep.

He was visited by the vision in his dreams.

Across the streets of the city, a hurricane was raging. Relentless wind, tearing trees and lampposts out of the ground. No one could stand up due to the sheer force of it.

It came from the corner of the street where a figure was hunched over, burying his face into his knees, and Doyoung could not make out the face because of this. He was violently shaking, and the wind seemed to be coming out from his trembling fingers. How he had so much power was beyond reason.

A police car had pulled up at the far end of the street, and the officers got out on shaky legs, preparing to approach the figure and put a stop to this storm. The weapons they held in their arms were massive, and they held more resemblance to monstrosities than guns. It was clear that a single shot from one of them would kill.

They struggled against the hurricane, taking step after step, grasping tightly onto a rope that was connected to the police car. With how slowly they were moving, it was like they were trying to walk through a blizzard, eyes squinting and faces screwed up in their desperation to see.

They eventually reached the figure, frost-bitten lips shouting for him to stop or else they'd shoot. Slowly, the figure raised his head.

Jung Jaehyun screamed, and wind scattered their bodies like dolls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was one of my favourite chapters to write, i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> i just had exams and am feeling Not Good but what better way to procrastinate revision than writing
> 
> comment any thoughts below, and follow me on twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting


	5. Chapter four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i updated early cause i felt bad :(
> 
> the best way to continue after a cliffhanger? pov switch

_12th January 2017_

Taeyong practised. And practised. He practised until his head spun whenever he moved it, until he could taste iron in his mouth, until his body was begging him for relief. And even then, he didn't stop. He _couldn't_.

The thing about practising, was it gave him something to focus on. It stopped his mind from drifting, it blocked out unwanted thoughts.

There were several thoughts that Taeyong did not want in his head right now.

The first of them was his concern for Doyoung's injury. He could have been killed, and now he was being forced to do schedules when he should be resting and healing. Taeyong had been trying to help whenever he could, but Doyoung had been pushing him away. He had been pushing everyone away. Taeyong didn't understand it, he just wanted to help but Doyoung wouldn't let him.

There was another thought that he did not want; it seemed so insignificant, it had happened days ago. But it bothered him. When the fire had broken out in the kitchen, and it had caught his arm. He hadn't felt any pain. He hadn't noticed until Doyoung told him. And when he looked at his arm, there was no burn. There was nothing. It hadn't made any sense, and maybe it was nothing, but it still bugged him. He should have been burnt.

He felt his head throbbing as sweat dripped down his brow, but he continued dancing. Blocking out those thoughts, just hearing the music and his own heart pounding in his ears. Seeing his hazy reflection in the mirror past the black spots that began clouding his vision. Breathing in, breathing out.

At some point he stopped moving, his body swaying dangerously. It felt like his brain had had enough, like it was trying to shut him down.

And somehow he lay on the floor, not recalling falling down.

He sat up, closing his eyes as the dizziness attacked him. When it passed, he looked at the clock on the far wall. Six am. _Shit_. He'd been here since four, barely even sleeping last night. The other members would be getting up now, they'd be wondering where he was.

Trying to ignore the aching of his body, he stumbled over to the corner of the practice room, clumsily gathering his stuff together before heading out. He walked as fast as he could without falling over, which still seemed to be a lingering threat his body was giving him. The stairs up to the dorm almost killed him, but he made it.

Opening the door, he tried to slip in unnoticed. Emphasis on _tried_.

"Jesus christ, Taeyong, where were you?" Taeil said as he carefully shut the door with a click. "We were worried."

"Sorry, hyung." Taeyong mumbled. "I was at the studio practising and lost track of time."

"How long were you there?"

"Since four ish?"

"Did you even sleep last night?" Taeil exclaimed.

Haechan strolled out of the bathroom, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. "I didn't eefen see hib go doo bed." Was along the lines of what he said.

"And why were you staying up?" Taeyong asked.

"Playing overwatch with Mark." He stated in a very rehearsed way.

"We're missing the point here." Taeil cut in. "First of all, Taeyong, you need to sleep. Second of all, if you're going to the studio, please leave a note or else we'll all be worried."

"Sorry." Taeyong repeated. Taeil just nodded and sighed.

"How about some breakfast?" He offered, and Taeyong felt that he couldn't decline.

In the kitchen, Johnny was 'making pancakes'. It looked more like he had mixed together whatever he could find, and thrown it in a frying pan.

"Do we even have time to have pancakes?" Taeyong asked, very aware of the time before their manager arrived to pick them up for their fansign today.

"No, but," Johnny replied, "I don't care."

"Johnny, they're burning." Winwin said from where he sat at the table.

"They're not-" Johnny turned his attention back to the frying pan. "Oh shit!"

"Whoa, who let Johnny into the kitchen?" Yuta exclaimed as he walked in. "Who thought that was a good idea?"

"Well," Johnny said, "since Taeyong was out at the studio and Doyoung's still in bed, I took it upon myself as the third most capable cook," Yuta scoffed and Johnny shot him a glare, "to make breakfast."

"They're _still burning_." Winwin said frustratedly. Johnny poured the charred contents of the pan onto a plate with very little care.

"I think I'll just have cereal." Taeil said as the plate was placed in front of them on the kitchen table.

Taeyong stared at it, feeling suddenly nauseous. There was a burning feeling in his chest, an urge to throw up. He could taste the bile in the back of his throat. The room seemed to spin, and spin. And it was too much to take. He ran into the bathroom, coughing into the toilet, grasping the rim with shaky hands. His body shuddered and he breathed slowly. Another wave of sickness came again, and then it calmed, and then it came again, and again.

Taeil had knelt down beside him, rubbing his back. He asked Taeyong if he was okay numerous times. Taeyong couldn't respond, he couldn't speak or he'd throw up again. There was nothing left inside him to throw up, but his body still tried to.

After a few minutes, it seemed to settle down, but he was left with a feeling of emptiness. He looked up to see Johnny standing by the doorway, a frown on his face.

"I'm sorry, Taeyong. I will literally never try to cook again."

"It's fine." Taeyong replied, the words coming out quiet and slurred. "It's not your fault. I didn't feel too great anyway."

"Will you be alright for the fansign?" Taeil asked.

"I'll be fine. If Doyoung has to do everything with a sprained ankle, they're not going to let me off just because I threw up." Taeyong thought there was no point agonising over it; the answer was simple. Only under extreme circumstances would members be exempt from activities.

"We should probably get ready, we're leaving in ten minutes." Johnny said. Taeyong stood up on shaky legs, and Taeil put an arm around his shoulder.

In the rush to get ready, Taeyong didn't have time to eat breakfast. He'd rather go without anyway, considering how he was feeling. As they were heading out the door, an apple was pressed into his hand, and Doyoung was giving him a look that said 'eat it, or else'. Taeyong nodded, glad to see Doyoung acting more like himself.

On the journey to the fansign, Taeyong had a staring battle with the apple in his hands. He really didn't want to eat it. But he couldn't go to the fansign on an empty stomach, because Nctzens were very quick to notice anything wrong with the members. Taeyong would be lying if he said he never faked a smile for them. It was hard, but it was worse when they worried.

Eventually he ate it, thinking of all the fans that would ask him if he'd eaten yet, and would be upset if he said no. He felt slightly better to have something inside him, and hoped he could keep it down. There was still the lethargic feeling, but there was never a time when he _wasn't_ tired. That's just how he was, and he'd learnt to live with it.

The fans were loud as usual, shouting and cheering as they walked in. There seemed to be more cameras and phones recording today - it felt like so many eyes were on Taeyong. Normally it wasn't a problem, but as he wasn't feeling his best today, the prospect of all these people watching unnerved him slightly.

The fans lined up, and for most of it, it was the usual questions: Had he eaten? What songs had he been listening to lately? Which members were annoying? He responded to all of them cheerfully, trying not to make it seem too forced. One fan did make him laugh, though, by imitating his part in Limitless.

It was soon over, and as they headed over to the studio to practice, Taeyong got a text on his phone.

_Noona: We're still meeting up for dinner tonight, right?_

Ah. That.

They'd arranged it a while ago, so Taeyong had completely forgotten that he was supposed to be meeting his sister tonight. They'd even booked a restaurant, so he couldn't exactly cancel now.

"Guys, is it okay if I leave practice early?" He asked as they entered the practice room. "I completely forgot that I'm having dinner with my sister tonight."

"Sure, hyung, just don't come back drunk." Haechan said, grinning.

"Ha ha." Taeyong said with a deadpan expression.

Practice went smoothly - Doyoung was still not participating but he was acting a bit more like his old self, pointing out whenever someone did something wrong, and joking with the members during breaks.

At seven, Taeyong left the studio and headed for the restaurant. According to Heeyong it wasn't anything too fancy, it was just a chance for the two of them to catch up. He'd taken her word for it, but had a feeling that she'd choose some strange, obscure place as she often did.

"You're too thin." Heeyong stated bluntly as he walked up to her.

"It's great to see you too?"

"Come here." She pulled him into a hug.

"So what is this restaurant like then?" Taeyong asked, glancing at the building in front of them.

"Oh, it's amazing, I've been here before. It's a Japanese restaurant, and they cook the food _at your table_, using proper grills and everything."Of course. A weird obscure place as expected. "They even do that thing where they set the frying pans on fire."

Taeyong shivered. "Right." Suddenly that empty feeling was creeping back in again. "Let's head in."

"Reservation under Lee Heeyong?" Heeyong said to the clerk at the entrance.

"Right this way."

They were lead into a long, niche little room that had very rustic decoration. Wooden tables were arranged along one wall, booths along the other. One of the lights was flickering.

Their table was in the far corner, hidden away in one of the booths. They were handed their menus, and Taeyong stared at the front cover blankly. It had an intricate flower design, with swirling lines reminiscent of calligraphy spelling out the restaurant's name.

"So what are you gonna have?" Heeyong asked. Taeyong snapped out of his stupor, and opened the menu. "I'm craving meat, and the steak sounds really good."

"Yeah, it does." Taeyong muttered in response, quickly finding it after scanning the menu.

"Oh, I think this is the one with fire! The 'Onion Volcano'."

"Sounds a bit dramatic." Taeyong said with a grin.

"Oh, trust me, it lives up to its name."

A waiter approached their table. "Can I get you two any drinks?"

"Ah," Heeyong scanned the wine list, "We'll have a bottle of the Rioja to share, please."

"And are you ready to order your meals yet?"

"Yeah, can we get the sharing platter of the 'Onion Volcano'?"

"Noona..." Taeyong mumbled in protest, feeling as if he had no choice in anything.

"It'll be amazing, Taeyong, I promise. I didn't bring you here just for you to order something you could get at any old restaurant." Heeyong replied.

"Fine." Taeyong sighed as the waiter assured them their food with be with them shortly. "So how're the cats?"

"They're getting old, to be honest. Yuna doesn't really go upstairs anymore, she rarely leaves the sofa. Yejin keeps scratching things, but she always did that anyway."

"Have Mum and Dad been in touch? Last time I talked to them they said they wanted to go on a cruise."

"Oh, yeah, they went on the cruise! It was along the coastline, going to all the islands and stuff. They probably bought you a souvenir, but you know what they're like. They'll want to give it to you in person."

Taeyong chuckled.

"I'm really glad you still showed up." Heeyong continued. "You're in the middle of promotions, I was sure that you'd cancel last minute."

"Yeah, I did consider it. Things are a bit hectic right now."

"How so?"

"Doyoung sprained his ankle." Taeyong left out the part where he got hit by a car.

"Huh? But he still performed on all your stages. You're not telling me-"

"Yeah." Taeyong sighed. "I'm worried that it'll have got worse because of that."

"You worry too much. God, you've gotta loosen up, little bro!" She lightly punched his shoulder. "You can't keep worrying about every little thing, especially when it's not your responsibility."

"But it is my responsibility."

"No, it's- Oh, look, they're bringing the food!" Taeyong glanced behind him, and saw a large grill being wheeled up to their table.

The chefs put on quite a show, tossing and flipping. It was more of a spectacle than a meal.

Fire burst out from the grill, causing Taeyong to jump. Suddenly his heart was hammering at a million beats per second, his mouth became dry as he stared into the flames. Heeyong's cheering and clapping faded into the background, and all he could hear was the spitting and crackling of the fire.

Badum. Badum. Badum.

Was no one else hearing his heart was beating? It was so loud, so strong against his chest. Subconsciously, his leg began jiggling under the table. He felt his palms grow hot and sweaty, his vision blurred into just fire and flames and brightness.

With a final explosion, the fire went out, and Taeyong couldn't take it anymore. His stomach whirled, his hands went clammy.

"Bathroom," He managed to breathe out, before making a dash for it. He didn't even know where he was going, but by some luck found the toilets, and collapsed into a cubicle, shaking.

The nausea hacked at his throat, as he coughed into the bowl. There was nothing much to throw up, just stomach acid that was sour on his tongue. His head was spinning, as his trembling hands gripped the rim so tightly that his knuckles went white. His breathing was unstable, and hot tears stung his face.

With shaky hands, he took his phone out of his pocket. He typed out a text to Heeyong.

_Not feeling well at all. Going home. Sorry, Noona._

He managed to stand up, and walked out of the restaurant on wobbly legs. He considered calling a cab, but didn't know if he could last until it got there. Instead, he began the long trek back to the dorms, trying to take deep breaths and calm himself.

Click. Taeyong's head spun to the side, to see someone lighting a cigarette. He continued walking, but there was something about that which filled him with an indescribable sense of dread.

The smoke seemed to follow him as he walked up the road, the stench of nicotine filling his nostrils. His hands began shaking again.

Bang. Taeyong jumped. He saw the vague glittering of a firework in the distance.

Everything became all muddled. He stumbled along as if drunk, a constant sense of wrong filling his body. His heart was pounding, played by a drummer with no sense of rhythm.

Even the street lamps unnerved him, too bright, too much light. The fireworks continued banging, the smoke continued following him, and the nausea built up inside him.

He tried to keep walking, he could barely stand up. Sweaty palms, hazy vision, heartbeat thumping. Dizzy, tired, sick. It all crushed him like a never ending avalanche.

"Excuse me, sir, you dropped your phone."

He spun around, and a sheet of flame blinded him. When his vision cleared, there was a small child crumpled on the concrete, clutching a smashed phone.

He stood, trembling, a small figure in the darkness. Lightning flared in the distance, and rain fell from the thick, grey clouds, soaking him to the skin. The echoing rumble of thunder was a siren, ringing and ringing.

Taeyong ran.

The soft buzzing from the smashed phone was drowned out by the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter! i’m going to try to make the best of the current situation and write more, if i can. i can’t ever say when the next update will be, but hopefully soon!
> 
> hope you’re all doing well, feel free to comment down below and follow me on twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting


	6. Chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s been a while, so i decided to finally update and damn the consequences lol
> 
> i’m not entirely fond of this chapter but hopefully it’s alright

_13th January, 2017_

"Taeyong."

Everything was blurry.

"Taeyong, can you hear me?"

He could feel his rain soaked hair sticking to his forehead, and the shivering of his body. It must be cold, he thought. However, he only felt numb.

"Taeyong, please."

His eyes were open, he was seeing things, but his brain wasn't registering them. Someone was speaking to him. He knew that much. The voice was familiar, it made him feel less afraid. He tried to summon a name from his mind, but it was as if it had been stuffed with cotton wool. Everything muffled, memories almost tangible yet so far from reach.

"Who..." Taeyong croaked, discovering his throat to be dry and scratchy.

"It's Winwin." Ah. The blurriness faded away, and he saw the face of his member staring back at him. "It's okay, hyung, I'm here."

Taeyong let out a shuddering breath, shifting his body on the wet concrete. He felt hollow. Like he hadn't eaten for days. Like he'd been burnt out from inside. His fingers felt so light as he moved them, just flesh and bone.

He looked around at his unfamiliar surroundings. It was a small side street, littered with cigarettes and plastic bags. Rainwater drizzled out of the gutter of a building, splashing into an ever growing puddle beneath it. The sky was pale but dark, the clouds tinted pink by the rising sun.

He didn't think he'd ever been here before. The style of buildings was different to their neighbourhood. They were battered, and old.

How had he ended up here?

He struggled to remember. He wasn't sure that he wanted to. A part of his mind was warning him off, telling him not to touch those memories. He wasn't sure what frightened him more; the fact that he couldn't remember, or the part of him that was afraid to.

"Hyung, I'm going to call Taeil so he can tell the others you're okay. And then we can go home." It was unspoken, but Taeyong sensed that Winwin meant to add on at the end '_and you can tell us what the bloody hell happened_.' He'd have to remember first, which just brought him back to this inner turmoil.

It only took a few minutes for the van to arrive at their location. Winwin helped Taeyong get in, and the drive to the dorm was suffocatingly silent.

When they arrived, the members were waiting in the living room for his explanation of where he'd been.

"Why didn't you answer any of our calls?" Taeil implored.

"I-" Taeyong felt his pockets for his phone, but came out empty handed. A smashed phone. "I lost it. My phone."

"What happened?"

"I..." Taeyong trailed off. It was so hazy, and everything seemed to be in the wrong order.

"You went out for dinner with your sister." Johnny prompted.

"Yeah." It was like trying to complete a puzzle, he had to put the right pieces in the right places. "I didn't feel well, so I left..."

"That doesn't explain why we found you lying out in the street."

"I don't know, I-"

A smashed phone. Fire. A child. Phone, fire, child. Phone, fire, child.

"Taeyong?"

Phone, fire, child.

"Whoa, it's okay. Just breathe."

Phone, fire, child.

"Shh, it's okay."

Fire. Child. Phone.

The puzzle was a truly horrifying sight.

He knew what had happened. He knew that _he_ had done it, that it was _his_ fault.And what had he done? He'd run away like a filthy coward, leaving the child all alone. What if they'd died? Their blood was on his hands, his hollow fingers, burnt out by fire.

"Actually..." He began, feeling the lie burning on his tongue. _Burning_. "I think it does explain it. I must have passed out when I was walking back."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Yuta asked.

"I'm fine. Just, maybe keep your distance. I don't want you guys to get sick too." He was afraid. He didn't want to hurt them.

"Manager's waiting outside." Taeil said. "We should probably all get ready. Don't strain yourself, Taeyong."

The members quickly dispersed from the living room, and Taeyong got lost in his routine. He could do it with his eyes closed; it felt like his eyes were closed. His attention was elsewhere, in the depths of his mind.

He couldn't wrap his head around what had happened. He had hurt that child. Badly. It didn't even matter to him how he did it. What he found himself asking, instead, was why.

Why had the fire appeared?

He thought of earlier at the restaurant with the whole fire show they put on. There had been this awful feeling inside him, like sickness. It had persisted as he'd walked down the street. And whatever this thing was, inside of him, he had lost control of it.

He looked at his hand again, at how there wasn't a single scratch despite the roaring flames that had burst out of it. He clenched his fist, feeling the heat of his fingers against each other, and-

A spark.

He quickly unfurled his hand, heart thumping. No. No. There wasn't time for this now. He just had to pretend that it had never happened.

In the kitchen, he hastily made a bowl of cereal, feeling detached from everything still. Like he was just an observer looking through his eyes. The marble of the kitchen countertop gleamed, the swirling patterns reminding him of flames, dancing around each other.

It seemed that whatever he looked at, the fire was lurking behind it. It always had been. He just hadn't realised it till now.

He threw the half eaten, soggy remains of the cornflakes in the bin, his appetite growing smaller just looking at them. Nothing seemed to lure him out of his shell. There were walls around him now, blocking out the real world.

A day of solid dance practice was enough to increase the numbness inside of him.

The studio seemed so much stuffier, it was _suffocating_ him. The mirrors, the lights, bouncing off of one another. The thrumming of the music, the bass line that made the floor shake. His own heart pounding against his chest, the sweat dripping down his skin. It was a sensory overload, about to drive him insane.

As they paused for a break, his ears were filled with a ringing noise. He staggered towards the nearest wall, practically clutching it for support. He couldn't even stand up on his own. He was dizzy, so dizzy, his head was spinning round and round and-

Taeyong jumped in unison with the person who had just touched his arm. He saw Doyoung, nursing his fingers whilst looking at Taeyong concernedly.

"Why are you so hot? That fucking hurt. Do you have a fever or something?" Doyoung asked.

"I don't know..." Taeyong muttered, his words struggling to fit in between his gasps for air.

"Fucking hell, don't pass out." Doyoung said. "Sit down. Slowly."

Taeyong did as he said, head and heart still pounding. Doyoung handed him a water bottle, and he downed the whole thing in a single gulp, the water ice cold against his throat.

Everything in front of him was spinning. He couldn't focus on anything, it was all blurred and hazy.

"Seriously, are you gonna be okay?" Doyoung said. His words sounded muffled and distant.

"I..." Taeyong squeezed his eyes shut trying to get a hold of himself. "I don't know... I feel dizzy, and wrong... My head hurts..."

He opened his eyes, trying to focus on Doyoung's worried expression.

"It's really warm in here." Doyoung said. "Let's try to get you to somewhere cooler. I'll help you up."

He held out his hand, and Taeyong grasped it. It was so cold.

Doyoung pulled him to his feet, and slung Taeyong's arm around his shoulder. Taeyong noticed he had clenched his teeth, and looked in pain.

"Doyoung, you don't have to..." He said, his voice so weak. "You're still hurt..."

"I'm fine." Doyoung said, walking to the door. "We'll be just a minute, guys." He said to the others.

They walked through the hallway, and came across one of the staff break rooms. Looking through the window, it seemed to be empty.

"Let's go in here." Doyoung said, pushing the door open. He guided Taeyong to one of the chairs, before pulling up one for himself. "Is this better?"

"I... I think so." Taeyong said, despite the fact that it _wasn't_.

"You should probably see a doctor if this carries on for another day."

There it was again, that nauseous feeling in his stomach. "It's probably nothing. I-I'll be fine."

"It's not 'nothing', hyung. You have to take care of yourself."

"You're one to talk." Taeyong muttered.

They sat in silence for a while, Taeyong regaining some of the little energy he'd had in the first place.

Time ticked by, and eventually the other members found them and dragged them back to practice. Taeyong still felt shit, but he fought his way through it.

He supposed the rest of practice wasn't too tedious. Maybe taking a step outside had helped after all. Regardless, he felt way better than expected at the end of it.

They got back to the dorm, limbs heavy from practice. Taeyong nearly stepped on a letter that lay on the doormat. He picked it up, reading the front.

"Oh, Jaehyun, there's a letter for you."

"Huh?" Jaehyun took the letter, opening it confusedly. His eyes scanned the page, his face looking panicked. Eventually he screwed it up, and threw it away.

"What is it?" Taeyong asked, concerned.

"It's nothing. Just spam." Jaehyun had schooled his features into a calm expression once again, but Taeyong saw the turmoil still within his eyes.

"Okay." Taeyong said, knowing he shouldn't pry if Jaehyun didn't want him to. He wouldn't be rid of the worry, though.

Meanwhile, in the living room, the other members had been flipping the light switch incessantly. The lights had not turned on, though.

"We really need to call an electrician." Mark said, glancing at Taeyong.

"Why are you looking at me?" Taeyong asked.

"Maybe I could take a look at the fuse box." Johnny suggested.

"Do you even know where it is?" Doyoung said, and his response was silence. He had already got the candles out and was lighting them. Taeyong shivered a little as the tiny flames glimmered, and tore his eyes away.

He saw Haechan was still flicking the light switch on and off.

"Oh, stop it, won't you?" Taeil said to him, looking ready to tear his hair out from frustration.

"I've found an electrician nearby. I'll call them now." Johnny stepped aside, phone to his ear.

Taeyong sank into the sofa, not realising his exhaustion until now. The candles cast dancing shadows against his hands, which were trembling slightly. He clenched them, as if that would make any difference.

Today had been so hectic. He couldn't even begin to collect his thoughts. His mind was a mess, each worry tangling with the next. When had things become so complicated? He'd always been stressed, always been tired, but never to the point where it felt like it was killing him.

"What do you mean you can't-" Johnny raised his voice. "That's not- Ugh." He pocketed his phone, scowling. "They can't come."

"Well that's just great." Yuta muttered.

"We should all get an early night. There's no point staying up if there's nothing we can do about it." Taeil said.

"I'm showering first!" Haechan shouted, making a run for the bathroom. He was followed by several other irritated members, complaining that they wanted hot water too.

"I'll probably just shower in the morning." Taeyong said, his eyes drifting back to the candles.

A muffled shout came from the hallway, where the members were fighting.

"I'll go break them up before someone gets hurt." Taeil sighed, walking over.

Taeyong was now alone, staring into the tiny candle flames. He found that he couldn't tear his eyes away. He just watched them flicker, a strange feeling in his chest. There was a certain beauty about them, as the wax dripped down the side.

Without much thought, Taeyong reached his hand out towards them. A flame caught his finger, but it wasn't burning him. It just rested there, swaying like a flower in the wind.

He willed it to grow larger, and soon a fairly big flame rested in the palm of his hand. It felt so nice, so warm, like he was holding a freshly made cup of coffee.

There was a smash beside him, and he turned his head to see Haechan staring at him, mouth wide open.

Shit. He desperately wished the flame to disappear, and it _did_.

"Hyung, what the fuck." Haechan muttered.

"Y-You didn't see anything, it was nothing, nothing was happening-" A string of excuses spilled out of Taeyong's mouth.

But Haechan was grinning now.

"I can't believe it!" He exclaimed. "I knew I wasn't the only one!"

"You-What?" Taeyong said.

"You can control fire, right? Oh my god, that's so cool, hyung. You won't even believe how long I thought I was the only one with powers. Wanna see what I can do? I'll show you."

"What..." Taeyong repeated.

Haechan's face screwed up in concentration, and to Taeyong's amazement, the shards of the glass he'd dropped earlier started _floating_ in the air.

Taeyong felt his jaw drop. That wasn't possible. But... neither was what he himself had just done.

"You..." He said.

"Telekinesis." Haechan said cheerily.

Footsteps were heard in the corridor, and the glass dropped to the floor with a clatter.

Mark appeared round the corner, looking concerned. "I heard a smash, is everything okay?"

"Yup." Haechan said, popping the 'p'. "Taeyong, can I tell Mark?"

Taeyong just sat there with his mouth half open, so helplessly confused.

"It's okay, he knows about me."

"Your..."

"Yeah. Powers. Please?"

Mark suddenly glanced at Haechan, his eyes full of questions.

"Taeyong hyung can control fire." Haechan blurted out.

"Haechan." Taeyong said, all of a sudden slightly annoyed at the younger.

"Sorry." Haechan muttered.

Mark looked between them, still looking confused. "I mean... That's really cool hyung."

"I... Look this... this thing has only been happening recently and I don't understand it or know how to control it or anything, and you're acting like it's good but it's not good, it's dangerous, I could hurt people-" He broke off, his mind reminding him of the child.

"Hyung..." Haechan began, a look of sympathy on his face. "I know how you feel. And I'm happy because I know I'm not alone anymore. I can try to help you control it, if you'd like."

"That... would be helpful, thanks."

Haechan just gave him a reassuring smile. "I've gotta go ambush Yuta when he gets out the shower now, so try not to burn the house down?"

Taeyong rolled his eyes. "Yeah."

Haechan grabbed Mark by the arm, pulling him away with him, saying something about needing an accomplice.

Taeyong was left with his thoughts again. Powers... it was a weird thing to think about. He had seen what Haechan did with his own eyes, though.

He picked up all the glass off the floor, throwing it in the bin. It was weird, but he believed in it. Telekinesis. And his own fire-controlling thing.

He went to bed feeling a lot better than before. Haechan was right. It was comforting knowing that there was someone else like him. That he wasn't alone.

It left a warm feeling in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed, feel free to leave a comment! as always i am so grateful for all the support and can’t help but feel guilty about my sporadic updates :( i’m really gonna try to be more consistent in the future  
[twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting)


	7. Chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes! i know! this is a very early update! hopefully this is the beginning of more frequent updates but i don’t wanna jinx it
> 
> tw for mention of suicide attempt and description of panic attack. i’m honestly not sure what i wrote for the panic attack was okay so i apologise if it’s inaccurate 
> 
> on with the chapter, another new pov!

_18th January, 2017_

There is a difference between being unlucky and being cursed. It's often difficult for people to decide where to draw the line, because most people don't know exactly what this difference is.

Some people think that a curse will strike more often. This is incorrect. Others think that a curse is more harmful. This is also incorrect.

Jaehyun had been cursed for a while now. Ever since the 12th of July, 2006, he had, without missing a day, suffered a panic attack every Wednesday. This could be applied to post-traumatic stress from being a victim in the tornado in Connecticut that day.

Jaehyun believed it was more due to the fact that he had nearly died.

Technically, he had died. He had been clinically dead for a grand two minutes. And ever since he woke up, he had suffered from these panic attacks, every Wednesday.

Every Wednesday, it felt like he was dying again. He felt like he couldn't breathe. And he would gasp for air, he would claw at his throat, and every Wednesday, someone, somewhere, within a few miles of where he was, would die.

Eventually he put two and two together and realised these deaths were because of him. He realised that in his own desperation to breathe, he prevented someone else from doing it.

When he was sixteen years old, he tried to kill himself.

The day after, he got casted for an audition. And slowly - becoming a trainee, and becoming a part of NCT - his life brightened up a little. He thought less about his curse, discovered that he could do more than just kill. He had a strange ability to manipulate the air, bend it to his will. He revelled in the moments where he was alone, and could create a miniature tornado in his hand.

He was almost, _almost_ happy.

But still, every Wednesday, someone died.

Because that is the difference between being cursed, and being unlucky.

Luck is spontaneous. But a curse is consistent. Always right on time, sticking to the schedule.

And so today, he suffered once more.

Curled in the corner of the bathroom, he couldn't breathe, and he reached out into the air, pulling it towards himself, begging for relief. He never got used to the pain. His hands grabbed at the air, he wheezed, his heart pounding at a million beats per minute.

And then he calmed. And he could breathe again. And he was responsible for the death of another person.

He could barely even feel the guilt anymore. He knew he would never come to terms with his curse, but he was certainly used to it.

He splashed his face with water, waiting for the redness to fade. He breathed in, and out, waiting for his breathing to go back to normal.

He left the bathroom, and entered the living room, where Johnny, Doyoung, and Taeil sat. He saw Doyoung look at him with calculating eyes. It was as if he was trying to burn a hole in Jaehyun's head, simply by looking.

He'd been doing that a lot the past few days. Actually, in fact, probably ever since Jaehyun had comforted him over his 'bad dreams'.

It _could_ be put down as fragile masculinity. But Jaehyun just had this unshakeable feeling that something else was going on.

"Doyoung, you alright?" Johnny asked, clearly having noticed the semi-murderous look on his face.

"Can people just stop asking me that?" Doyoung snapped, standing up and leaving the room as soon as Jaehyun sat down.

"Jeez." Johnny muttered offendedly.

A slam was heard in the hallway, and a few moments later Yuta walked in.

"Can someone get Mr. Grumpy-Pants some antidepressants? I literally breathe and he shuts the door in my face. It's my room too, you know!" He said bitterly.

"Hey, he's probably just stressed." Taeil reasoned. "Doesn't look like he's been getting much sleep lately."

"I know, but we're rounding up promotions now, there's nothing to be stressed about!" Yuta protested.

"There's always something to be stressed about. Hazards of being an idol." Jaehyun said.

"Well he doesn't have to be such a dick about it."

"You're right." Jaehyun agreed with a sigh.

Taeyong entered the room, eyes scanning, and stopped when they landed on Jaehyun. "There's another letter for you."

"Oh. Thanks." Jaehyun went to a different room to open it. He knew what would be inside. The past few days he'd been getting the same letter, over and over.

Just four words every time: _'Stop using your powers'._

He unfolded the paper, expecting the same words to be jumping out at him, but instead it said something else.

_Don't ignore me. I know what you are. If you don't stop then I'll just have to reveal what you are to everyone._

Jaehyun stared at the page, and let out a scoff. "I'd love to stop," He muttered, "If I could."

He ripped the paper up again, and threw it in the bin.

These threats did scare him, but he had that feeling, the feeling when you can't tell if someone's bluffing or not. He didn't know whether to take them seriously. Especially since he didn't know who this blackmailer was.

After practice that day, Jaehyun headed out to get coffee on his own after Doyoung turned down his offer to go together. It was already dark outside, the streets lit up and exaggerating all the shadows.

He heard a sound behind him, that sounded like a camera shutter. He turned around, but no one was there.

Feeling slightly on edge, he pulled his hat and mask down so that they obscured his face more. He walked a few paces before he heard the sound again.

This time he stopped properly, looking around carefully. Whoever it was, they were good at hiding. It could be saesangs or... it could be the person who was blackmailing him.

He quickened his pace, not relaxing until he reached the cafe and sat inside.

The coffee tasted extra bitter today, his nerves heightening his senses. He was being followed, by someone sneaky and skilful. They made enough noise that they must want him to know they were there, but they remained in the shadows, not revealing themselves. Clearly they were trying to intimidate him.

He gripped his coffee with white knuckles, hardly noticing the searing warmth of the mug against his hands. This blackmailer was threatening to reveal his powers, but how would they even do that? No one would believe that powers existed in the first place, let alone that _Jaehyun_ of all people had them.

It was almost as if they didn't actually want to expose him. They just seemed to want to scare him with empty threats and nighttime stalking. Because maybe if he was scared, he wouldn't use his powers.

If he had any control over them, he would've stopped a long time ago. But there wasn't a choice in this situation, there wasn't a solution. The curse would never go away.

Frustrated, he left his unfinished coffee on the table and left the cafe.

As he walked back, he could still feel the presence behind him. Feet skittering across the concrete like a bunch of rats. Empty threats, that's all it was. Empty threats.

The dorm was quiet when he got in, and he assumed everyone had gone to bed. He took his shoes off at the door, and made his way to his room. He passed the kitchen, and heard Haechan's voice whisper shouting from inside.

"No, hyung, I've told you, you don't have to wave your arms around!"

Jaehyun poked his head round the door to see Haechan along with Taeyong.

"What are you both doing up at this ungodly hour?" He asked.

"Dancing." Haechan said at the same time that Taeyong said "Cooking."

"Cooking-"

"-dancing-"

"-cooking _and_ dancing-"

"-completely Taeyong's idea-"

"-it's a new hobby-"

"-increases your mental wellbeing-"

"-like pet therapy-"

"-scientifically proven-"

"Okay! Okay. I get it." Jaehyun interrupted. "I'll leave you guys alone to your 'cooking and dancing'."

He heard a collective sigh as he left the room. God, first Doyoung and now those two? It felt like everyone was hiding something. Even Jaehyun himself, with the letters.

He couldn't help but worry. He cared about his members, and not knowing what was causing them trouble left him with an uneasy mind. The fact that they didn't tell him only made him feel worse.

He shouldn't interfere, though. He had to let them deal with it on their own, right?

But there was a part of him that had longed to hover outside the kitchen and listen to their conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i researched natural disasters in connecticut during the time jaehyun lived there what of it
> 
> jokes aside, hope it was nice to have more insight into jaehyun’s situation. i really enjoyed writing this chapter and exploring his character. if you thought he wasn’t gonna be angsty you should probably know me better by now lol
> 
> hope you enjoyed, feel free to drop a comment or kudos!
> 
> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting)


	8. Chapter seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, another update in less than a month? i’m gonna try to keep this up (without making any promises). school’s broken up so i should have more free time to write now 
> 
> there’s a brief cameo from another nct member in this chapter :)

_20th January, 2017_

Taeyong was not making progress in learning to control his power. It felt like he was doing so badly he was moving backwards.

What didn't help was that Haechan wouldn't be around to teach him anymore, because he was preparing for the Dream comeback. It meant Taeyong had to practice on his own, which never went well. It normally ended in a minuscule explosion, leaving the nearest object slightly charred and smoking.

Haechan wasn't a patient nor helpful teacher, but at the very least he could act as damage control, moving objects out of harm's way. Without him, Taeyong felt he ought to be wearing a sign saying 'fire hazard'.

The sensible thing to do would be to stop practising. But Taeyong couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes he saw that child crumpled on the ground, just an innocent child who may have ended up dead. Taeyong didn't know whether that child was alive, and the thought that they could be dead haunted him.

So he had to practice. He wasn't going to lose control again.

The thing about fire was that it was completely untameable. It would rest in the palm of his hand, flickering and crackling, but as soon as he tried to get rid of it it expanded, spitting sparks out everywhere. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to direct it to where he wanted it to go.

The whole day he was tormented by his own anxiety, so much that he couldn't focus on anything. He ended up just sitting in one of the practice rooms, watching Ten's improv dance. He wasn't really paying attention though, his mind a foggy mess of numb.

"...but maybe I could change things up a bit, have a bit more variety- hyung, are you even listening?"

"Huh?" Taeyong mumbled, trying to remember what the hell Ten was talking to him about.

"Why are you acting like your mother just died?"

"I'm not..." Taeyong replied tiredly.

"Sure you're not. Are you going to sit there for another two hours or actually do something?"

"It's been two hours?" Taeyong perked up.

Ten gestured to the clock on the far wall. Taeyong looked at it and groaned. He really was out of it today. It was as if smoke from the flames had encircled his brain; whatever lay on the other side of the flames felt distant.

"I think I might go home." If he wasn't practicing here, the least he could do was work on his powers at home. "If anyone asks, you can cover for me, right?"

"Hyung!" Ten complained.

"Please?"

"What happened to Taeyong the workaholic? Suddenly he's bunking off practice."

Taeyong rolled his eyes. "I'll buy you a meal at some point if you cover for me."

"Deal. As much as I can eat."

Taeyong knew that'd make a dent in his wallet, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Unless he could have some degree of control of his powers, he wouldn't be able to rest. Everything he'd learnt was always because he practiced endlessly. It would be the same for his powers, so he was going to put the hours in.

He got back to an empty dorm, something he didn't often have the luxury of seeing. Suddenly the space was a whole lot bigger without people crowding it all the time.

He decided to practice in the living room, praying that he wouldn't end up burning the couches. It was a lot more spacious than their tiny kitchen, so it would be nice to make use of it while he could.

He took a deep breath in, holding out the palm of his hand. Stay calm, stay cool. He could do this.

"Hyung, what are you doing?"

Taeyong jumped, tripped, and fell onto the coffee table.

"Ow..." He moaned. He got to his feet, to see Doyoung looking at him with a concerned expression.

"Why are you here?" Doyoung asked.

"I... wasn't feeling up to practicing."

"You're bunking?"

"Technically I wasn't getting anything done, so..."

Doyoung scoffed.

"What about you? Why are you here?" Taeyong asked.

"I had a headache. I was just about to go back to practice." He made for the door. Taeyong caught his arm.

"You shouldn't go if you're not feeling well."

"I'm feeling better now." A blatant lie.

"Doyoung, you shouldn't push yourself, your ankle-"

"My ankle's been cleared! It was just a headache, I get them all the time. I've practiced with worse."

"I'm just worried."

"Don't." Doyoung tried to get out of his grip, but Taeyong didn't let go.

"You've been distant lately."

"We're not having this conversation."

"You can lean on me Doyoung, whatever's going on-"

"There's nothing going on! Whatever the fuck Jaehyun told you isn't true."

Taeyong raised an eyebrow. "Jaehyun didn't tell me anything."

"Then let me go."

Taeyong sighed. "I want to support you. As a friend. I can't help being worried. It would put my mind at rest to know what's bothering you."

"Nothing," Doyoung hissed, "Is bothering me."

He wrenched his arm out of Taeyong's grip, and left with the slam of the front door.

"You're a bad liar!" Taeyong yelled after him.

What was his deal? Doyoung had been acting irritably ever since their comeback. Taeyong couldn't deal with worrying for Doyoung on top of his own problems. It was pushing him to a breaking point.

That conversation had left _him_ feeling annoyed now too. And he couldn't practice his power unless he calmed down. It didn't feel like he'd be able to calm down for a long time, his stress overwhelming his mind.

He sat down in the living room, turning on the tv and watching a predictable, mind-numbing drama. He was barely paying attention to it, his thoughts running wild. Again and again, he saw fire in his mind, haunting him like an angry spirit.

The hours went by, dragging on and on. Eventually the other members arrived back at the dorm, exhausted and weary from practice.

"Hyung," Haechan collapsed on the sofa next to him, "Why is dancing so hard?"

"At least it wasn't on hoverboards this time." Mark muttered.

"I swear our choreographer is trying to kill us."

Taeyong stroked Haechan's hair absentmindedly, as a long spiel of complaints continued coming out of his mouth. The others filtered through, and Doyoung went to his room without so much as acknowledging Taeyong.

"Did you guys fight?" Mark asked.

"Something like that."

"He's probably annoyed because Winwin snores." Yuta said helpfully.

"I do not snore. We all know it's you." Winwin said.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hyung, I can hear you from my room." Haechan said, pausing in his choreo complaints.

"Hear what?" Yuta said innocently.

"Oh, just don't." Taeil sighed. "He's not going to admit it."

"Admit what?" Everyone simultaneously rolled their eyes.

After a few minutes of chatter amongst the members, Johnny suggested they made dinner. He even dragged Doyoung out of his room to join in, although he still avoided Taeyong.

Taeyong hadn't really been near a stove since the incident. He was feeling slightly nervous, wondering if he'd stay calm when confronted with the flames.

Haechan and Mark's not so subtle glances in his direction didn't help, but he tried to ignore them, taking a deep breath.

_"The trick is to keep your cool. My powers go haywire if I'm feeling a strong emotion. You have to try to empty your head of thoughts, and approach it in a logical way."_

Haechan's advice rang in his ears, and he decided to stop worrying. Worrying wouldn't help. He had to have a clear head.

He heard the hiss as Taeil turned the gas on and lit the stove with a match. Taeyong looked at the flame, knowing that it would stay exactly where it was. It would not spread, or grow larger. It just existed as it was right there.

"Hyung, do you want to cut the onions?" Haechan said loudly, breaking Taeyong's staring contest with the flame.

"Sure." Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, he situated himself at the counter, away from the flames, and got to work.

Everything was okay. He was coexisting with the fire, and nothing was going to go wrong. Clear head, clear mind.

Somehow, he got through it, and they all sat at the table in front of steaming plates of food. He hadn't realised how hungry he was, but then remembered he hadn't eaten since lunch which had been nine hours ago.

Across the table, he saw Doyoung picking at his food, a frown on his face. Taeyong thought back to their argument earlier today. _"Nothing is bothering me."_ And yet his eyes were full of so much turmoil.

Doyoung was the first to get up, scraping his half eaten portion into the bin and heading to the sink to wash up. Taeyong quickly shovelled down his last few mouthfuls and followed.

"You barely ate." He said, not quite loud enough for the others to hear.

"I wasn't hungry." Doyoung replied.

Taeyong frowned, turning on the tap and rinsing his plate. Doyoung stood strangely, as if torn between leaving or staying.

"You really shouldn't be worried." He said after some silence.

Taeyong turned to face him. "Why?"

"You know I get migraines all the time. I've learned to live with it."

"And you've never tried to see a doctor about it or taken any painkillers." Taeyong pointed out.

"I can't. You wouldn't understand, but I can't."

"Then explain it to me. Help me understand." He pleaded.

"I can't." Doyoung repeated.

Taeyong sighed. "If it really isn't different from usual... I'll believe you. I know you would never lie to me."

Doyoung wasn't necessarily lying to Taeyong. Yes, there was something he wasn't telling him. Something he apparently _couldn't_ tell Taeyong. But he wasn't lying.

"Get an early night, yeah?" Taeyong said, and Doyoung nodded, leaving the kitchen.

Taeyong knew Doyoung wasn't lying. He just wondered _why_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter! as always i love getting feedback in the comments, it’s my source of motivation. 
> 
> i know things might seem a little slow paced right now, but i can promise that very soon it’s gonna get interesting, so you guys can look forward to that!
> 
> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting)


	9. Chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update... if i can get my shit together then maybe the frequent updates will last. fingers crossed :)
> 
> tw for description of panic attack

_25th January, 2017_

On Wednesday morning, Jaehyun woke up feeling like shit. Emotionally and physically. He was still worrying about the letters, which had mysteriously stopped for the past few days. Somehow that made him feel worse.

He dragged himself out of bed, knowing he had a panic attack to face this morning. He headed for the bathroom, but found it occupied. He went for the second bathroom, only to find it was occupied too.

"Who's in there?" He asked Johnny, who sat in the living room. Both bathrooms were not usually occupied at this hour in the morning.

"I don't know.” Johnny replied.

"Why the fuck-" Jaehyun cut off as he felt his chest seize up. "Shit."

He couldn't breathe once again. His legs gave out on him, and he collapsed against the wall, shaking.

"Jaehyun?" Johnny's voice sounded distant and muffled.

This couldn't be happening right now, not in front of Johnny. He had to breathe, he couldn't do this right now. His lungs were cold, it felt like his throat was closing up.

"Jaehyun, can you hear me?" He managed a small nod, but even that was agony.

He felt Johnny's hand on his shoulder, he heard him speaking once again. He couldn't even pay attention to what he was saying, it felt like he was dying once again.

He didn't want to reach out for air. He didn't want to kill another person.

His body overruled his mind, and the usual reflexes kicked in. He could breathe again.

Blinking away tears, he looked at Johnny's concerned face looking down on him. Well, shit. He saw the phone in his hands.

"Did you call manager?" He said quietly.

Johnny nodded. Shit. "Are you okay? What was that?"

Jaehyun didn't respond, instead attempting to stand up. His legs were shaky, and he didn't manage it. Why was it so bad right now? Normally he was fine as soon as it was over.

_You're worried_, said a voice in his head. Was that it? Had his own panic added to the attack?

He heard the front door open, and their manager walked in. "Jaehyun, Johnny told me you were having some sort of panic attack."

"I'm fine." He breathed despite the fact that he was not.

"We're going to the hospital. Don't try to protest. We can't let this happen again."

_Shit_. Why the hospital? Would he have to tell them this wasn't the first time it had happened? What if they figured out his secret?

He had no choice, as he and Johnny were lead outside to their manager's car. He slumped back in his seat, wanting to just melt into the ground completely.

"Are you okay?" Johnny ventured, speaking quietly and glancing between Jaehyun and their manager.

No. He wasn't okay.

"I'm fine." He said again through gritted teeth, sending a look to Johnny that said _drop it, or else_.

He knew that something like this would've happened eventually. Some secrets can't be kept forever. Strangely, his mind wandered back to the day it all started.

If he had really died back there, and stayed dead, so many more people would be alive right now. So many deaths prevented. He wouldn't have to go through this hell every week.

The world was twisted. Was the price for living the lives of other people? If Jaehyun died, would it end?

He'd had those same thoughts when he was sixteen. He had changed when he'd met the members, when their brotherhood had formed. In some ways he owed them his life.

Why was he so afraid then? Did he really think they'd hate him if they knew the truth?

The car came to a stop outside the hospital. Jaehyun took a deep breath, preparing himself for the interrogation he would go through.

Some secrets can be kept forever. To the grave.

They walked through the pristine halls, each echoing footstep like the ticking of a clock hand. Time seemed to slow down, the seconds stretching by. Jaehyun just wanted it over with.

They reached the room, finally, where the doctor was waiting inside.

"Have you had panic attacks before?"

"No." Jaehyun was determined to lie his way out of this.

"Was there any recent event that may have caused you stress or anxiety?"

_"There's always something to be stressed about. Hazards of being an idol."_

Oh, how his own words came back to bite him.

"Nothing other than the usual stress. I'm really fine."

The doctor nodded kindly. "We just have to make sure. If you feel fine now, then I think you're free to go. If it happens again, come back here immediately."

"Yes." Jaehyun bowed and they left the room.

"That's a relief." Their manager muttered. "I'll take you boys straight to the company, practice starts in fifteen minutes."

"Thank you." Johnny said. Jaehyun remained silent.

His phone lit up with a text from Doyoung.

_What happened this morning?_

He saw it too? Maybe Johnny had told all the other members. Jaehyun sighed. It wasn't any of their damn business.

_Nothing. I'm fine._

He had a feeling Doyoung would roll his eyes at his response. At the very least, he was talking to Jaehyun again. Or, well, texting. Either way, Jaehyun hoped that whatever had troubled their friendship before was gone now.

"Jaehyun, are you-"

"I'm fine!" Jaehyun cut Taeyong off as they entered the practice room, his voice sounding fake and cheerful.

"Okay, but I just want to make su-"

"I am fine to practice, don't make me sit out." Jaehyun couldn't hide the annoyance in his voice.

Taeyong pursed his lips. "If you're sure."

"Did you guys shut the door properly? There's a slight breeze." Doyoung said, looking straight at Jaehyun. His voice sounded almost emotionless.

"I-I'll shut it again." Jaehyun hurried over to the door, which was already properly closed. Shit. He couldn't afford to lose control like that.

Doyoung had looked right at Jaehyun as he said it. It would be madness to think that he knew, but... Jaehyun felt unnerved by his behaviour. Things between them didn't seem normal just yet.

Practice started off okay, the formations a little wobbly due to Haechan and Mark's absence. Jaehyun went into autopilot mode, getting through purely by muscle memory. He didn't think, he just danced.

It was a nice break from the torment of his thoughts. He had something to focus on; a distraction, even. If you let your mind wander whilst dancing to choreography like this, you'd mess up. So he focused to the point that when each song ended and the room became still, he felt slightly disorientated for a moment.

After a particularly tiring run through of Fire Truck, they took a break, drifting towards the water bottles that lay on the floor. Jaehyun's body was covered in sweat, and glancing at the steamed up mirrors, he felt an urge to create that breeze again to cool the room down. But no, Doyoung clearly was already suspicious of _something_, so he couldn't do anything out of the ordinary.

Jaehyun's body protested as he put it through another hour of dancing, as if the effects of his tiring morning were only just catching up with him. Time passed by, and eventually it was over.

They made their way back to the dorms, tired faces illuminated in the streetlights. Jaehyun wanted nothing more than to rest, and put this nightmare of a day behind him.

As they approached the dorm, Doyoung tugged on his sleeve.

"Listen, Jaehyun..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger who? i don’t know her
> 
> but yes i’m leaving it there because i’m evil what can i say
> 
> next chapters gonna be fun so look forward to it
> 
> hope you enjoyed!
> 
>   
twitter: @midnightmxnwalk  
(i realised the links weren’t working)


	10. Chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so nervous about posting this chapter but i’ve procrastinated long enough
> 
> i apologise that i can’t write action for the life of me and that most of this is internal monologue; i’ve tried and failed to find another way to write this part
> 
> anyway, this picks up where we left last time, hope you enjoy

_25th January, 2017_

"Listen, Jaehyun..." Doyoung began as they walked up the stairs to the dorm. "I've been meaning to talk to you. For quite a while now."

After a lot of thinking over the past few days, Doyoung had made a decision.

He'd decided to just ask Jaehyun outright about his powers. If Jaehyun confided in him, then maybe Doyoung could stop him ever losing control. He could stop what he'd seen in that vision.

Besides, he'd felt that breeze in the practice room today. If that was the consequence of just a little bit of irritation, Doyoung couldn't imagine how bad it could get if Jaehyun truly lost control.

Well, he _could_ imagine. He'd seen it.

"What is it?" Jaehyun's voice was low, his expression a little nervous. Somehow it looked as though he knew what was coming.

Doyoung took a deep breath. Why was it so hard to say? The truth. He just had to be honest. Tell Jaehyun about his vision, and they could work together to stop it.

"I... I don't really know where to start." He let out a a tiny scoff. "Heck, I don't even know if you'll believe me."

But he would try. They climbed the last few steps in silence, as Doyoung thought of what he'd say.

They reached their dorm, and as soon as they stepped into the hallway, everything was inherently wrong. Their door was wide open, the lights on inside. The other members caught up to them and took in the scene.

"Burglars?" Haechan whispered.

"Stay behind me." Taeyong said and started walking inside. Everyone else followed, hearts beating erratically.

They reached the living room, and Doyoung froze. Standing in front of them, clad in black and holding guns, were about a dozen men. The guns were pointed right at them.

Bang! A bullet headed straight towards Doyoung's head, and at the last moment, veered to the side.

Then all hell broke loose.

Fire exploded through the room, the ground started shaking. The men were thrown to the ground either by the air or some invisible force. More gunshots went out, the sink in the kitchen exploded, water erupting everywhere.

Doyoung stood at the back, watching it all unfold, not wanting to believe what he was seeing.

Yuta was knocked to the ground by one of the men, who'd abandoned his gun in favour of trying to strangle the boy.

"Get off me!" The man stood up, was thrown across the room, and went crashing through the window.

The air around them was spinning, like a full blown hurricane in the room. Jaehyun's hands were trembling, his eyes full of panic.

The flames danced around the room, making it hotter. A stream of water was spraying out of the sink, and suddenly directed like a firehose, it put the flames out.

All the men had been knocked to the ground, and hurt in some way. As soon as the chaos had settled, they got to their feet. They jumped out the broken window with inhuman speed, leaving behind a charred, smoking room destroyed beyond repair.

A piercing pain shot through Doyoung's head, and his legs gave out on him. Everything was spinning. His mind was enveloped with the vision.

The burning building. The raging wind, the stormy river, the pure chaos consuming the city. It was all caused by a certain group of people. Doyoung hadn't seen their faces before, but suddenly they all became clear.

He saw the relentless storm courtesy of Jaehyun's powers.

A street full of bodies suspended in midair, Haechan standing in the middle of it.

Winwin holding back Yuta, as he yelled for the entire city to die.

Mark screaming, as the ground tore itself apart.

Johnny running through the ravaged streets, every other person frozen in time.

The water rushing through the streets, controlled by Taeil's careful hands.

He saw Taeyong's smirk before the world went up in flames.

He opened his eyes, feeling something so deeply that he couldn't discern what it was.

His friends, his brothers, whom he'd trusted. They caused it.

His friends, his brothers, who stood in the carnage, looking at him with nothing but worry in their eyes. And Doyoung _hated_ it.

His heartbeat was still going crazy, his breathing was heavy. He couldn't put a word on what he felt in that moment. It was dark, and twisted, and it morphed into anger.

"What," He seethed, "The _fuck_ was that?"

"Doyoung." Jaehyun knelt beside him, putting a shaky hand on his shoulder.

"Get off me!" Doyoung scrambled to his feet, Jaehyun's touch like acid on his skin. To think he'd been about to tell him the truth.

"Doyoung, please- Just calm down."

"You- You-" Doyoung couldn't even get the words out. "Fuck!" He screamed, punching the wall beside him. This couldn't be real. It couldn't be.

He had already known about Jaehyun. But he hadn't known about the others. And the reality had come crashing down upon him like a tidal wave, it felt like he was drowning.

His friends. His brothers. He couldn't bear to look at them.

They were pure hearted people. They had strong morals, and a strong sense of justice. The destruction they caused... how could it be done by these same people?

"We really fucking messed this place up, huh?" Haechan laughed, looking at the ruins of the sofa.

"It's not funny!" Taeyong said. "This is- We all just-" He put his head in his hands.

"Just what?" Mark asked shakily. "What the hell just happened?"

Doyoung shook his head, a laugh finally escaping his lips. "All this time, and I never knew. I should've guessed really. I should've fucking known." He turned to Yuta. "So what is it you can do? Shout at people?"

"What the fuck are you on about?" Yuta was regarding everyone warily. "I didn't have anything to do with that _freak show_ right now."

"You did." Winwin said quietly. "You told that man to get off you and he did." Yuta gaped at him.

"And you?" Doyoung asked Winwin, the other person he wasn't sure about.

A miniature sun appeared in Winwin's hand. "Illusions."

"Fucking great." Doyoung spat, letting out another laugh. "This is just wonderful. We're like a... how did Yuta put it? A little 'freak' family."

It felt like he was losing his mind a little. He felt a little sick.

"Why are you being like this?" Jaehyun asked, his voice trembling. "Just what were you about to tell me before we got here?"

Something he no longer deserved to know. Doyoung tried to find that word, that described how he was feeling. Somehow words didn't seem strong enough.

The truth. His brothers. His trust. He didn't know what to make of it anymore.

"It's ironic, you know." Doyoung's voice was bitter. "I've foreseen _so many_ things, and yet I didn't see _this_."

He hadn't seen what had been right in front of him. He hadn't seen his brothers for what they really were. He'd only seen the destruction they would cause, and putting a name to the crime was like a knife piercing his chest.

"Bad dreams..." Jaehyun muttered, his eyebrows furrowed as he put the puzzle pieces together. Doyoung regretted ever telling him that half-truth.

Although everything he said seemed to be a half-truth. Never the actual truth because he was so afraid to share that crushing burden. It had only become more painful now.

"Have you figured it out?" His voice was so harsh, a cover up for the despair he felt inside. "We're all _freaks_, mutants."

"I prefer the term superpowers." Haechan said.

"Oh, yes, this is all just _super_." Doyoung gestured to the destroyed room. Super, indeed. "You act as if you couldn't tear the world apart using only your mind."

"This is madness..." Taeil spoke up for the first time, his voice unstable. "What you're saying... it's madness."

"Of course it is. But it's real."

"Bad dreams..." Jaehyun said again. "Just what _did_ you see?"

"I can't tell you that." He really couldn't. He didn't know if he trusted anyone anymore, not with what he'd seen. It would be nice to believe it was just a little accident, a loss of control, but this was the end of the world they were talking about.

If they knew about what they would do, there would be no stopping it. Doyoung knew from experience that these visions were self-fulfilling. Being blissfully unaware of what might happen was better, because at least when it did happen there wasn't any guilt of failing to stop it.

"Who were those men?" Taeyong asked, as if Doyoung knew. "Why were they trying to kill us?"

"No fucking clue." Doyoung replied. "I'm not omniscient but I'd guess it has something to do with our _powers_."

Truthfully, he'd already thought of quite a sound theory.

Powers were dangerous. Clearly those people knew about their powers, and that was their motive. Maybe they thought they were saving people, eliminating an unnatural threat.

Doyoung almost sympathised with them.

"What do we do?" Taeyong's second question brought him back to the present issues.

"Well, first things first, we put together a cover story for when the cops get here." In the distance, he heard sirens. "Ah, what a coincidence. We've probably got about five minutes to do that."

"Arsonists slash burglars." Haechan said. "With guns. They escaped through the window when we got back. The sink burst because of a gunshot, and the water put out the fire."

"Yeah, that... pretty much covers everything. It's completely unrealistic, but it'll do."

Haechan fed the same story to a bored looking police officer, who just nodded wearily. "We'll take a look at the cctv footage for this street and investigate."

Several SM staff members had arrived at the scene as well, trying to figure out what to do with the damage. Their manager, after several phone calls, approached the nine boys.

"For now, whilst the damage is fixed, you'll need to move into the other dorms. It's going to be a tight fit, but there's nothing else we can do." He said, and his phone began ringing again. "Sort it out amongst yourselves."

"There's not much extra room in the U dorms..." Taeyong said. "Mark and Haechan, I assume you'll want to stay with the dreamies?" He got two nods in response. "So the rest of us will have to squeeze into the U dorms then. If everyone's alright with that."

"I think we really need to properly talk about what happened." Johnny lowered his voice. "They tried to kill us. How do we know they won't try again?"

"We can't destroy a building every time they try to, either." Doyoung said. "But we don't even know who they are."

Because his theory was nothing but exactly that. He really was grabbing at straws to think of a logical explanation.

"I'm pretty sure they're the same people who've been sending me blackmail letters over the past few weeks." Jaehyun said.

"What?"

"They knew about my powers. I thought it was empty threats, but... well, clearly not."

Well. That confirmed Doyoung's theory.

"So it is because of our powers." Taeyong said.

"But... why? I don't understand. This is... I mean, it can't be real, no matter what I saw back there." Taeil said.

"Look, I get that you're surprised, but you need to get over it." Doyoung replied. "The sink burst because of you, alright? You can control water." The flooded streets flashed before his eyes. "Those people clearly want to kill us because of these 'powers'. I can guess why. It's unnatural. It goes against science. And most importantly, it's dangerous. So many... so many people die- could die because of these powers. What you all did back there? That's not even a fraction of what you're capable of."

"Can't we just kill the people who are after us and be done with it?" Haechan asked brazenly.

"No. This will not be solved by violence. You have to trust me on that." Trust. What a fickle thing. "I don't know what we can do, but we cannot hurt other people. You all know that."

"Even if they're trying to kill us?"

"If you kill them, you're only proving their point. You have to keep your humanity, otherwise you'll become what they see you as."

"But what do we do, then?"

Doyoung sighed. "I'll try to look into who they are. Although I doubt it'll help. For now, we've just got to carry on like it didn't happen. Try not to go anywhere alone and try not to get killed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> i have no words only indistinguishable screeching 
> 
> but uh yeah so that’s one milestone in the story outta the way. i think it was probably very confusing, so i’ve listed everyone’s powers below:
> 
> obviously we know doyoung has visions, taeyong controls fire, haechan is telekinetic and jaehyun controls air.
> 
> yuta’s power doesn’t really have a specific word, but what i went with was ‘persuasion’. he can tell someone to do something and they’ll most likely do it.
> 
> winwin’s is illusions
> 
> johnny controls time
> 
> mark controls earth
> 
> and taeil controls water
> 
> hopefully if you were confused you understand now! i also hope you enjoyed this chapter which i have been agonising over for months.
> 
> as always, feel free to leave a kudos, comment, or drop by on twitter(@midnightmxnwalk).


	11. Chapter ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uhhh, nct’s dorm arrangements are impossible to figure out, despite my frantic research. is there a u dorm? was there ever a u dorm? regardless, i’ve decided that the “u” dorm will basically be wayv and jungwoo(that seems accurate for being set in 2017)
> 
> also sorry this is so late, i’m back at school and AHHHHHHHH

_26th January, 2017_

The only person who seemed happy moving into the U dorms was Winwin, who had reunited with his chinese brothers who had yet to debut. In the few hours they'd been there, moving in, it was probably the most Taeyong had ever heard him speak, and he didn't understand a word of it.

Everyone was very welcoming of course, but it was crowded and impossible to find a moment alone. Taeyong felt as though there were many conversations the members of 127 could be having right now about their powers, but they'd agreed to keep everyone else out of it.

He felt partially responsible for their situation; if he hadn't panicked and lost control then their dorm would not have been damaged hardly as much. It was terrifying to think that there were people who had tried to kill them, and might still do so. He didn't understand how Doyoung could be so calm about it.

Taeyong was one of the members sleeping on the floor. Somehow Yuta had weaselled his way into getting the only spare bed. _"You told that man to get off you and he did."_ No one quite understood what Yuta could do yet, but it seemed to involve persuading people to do what he wanted.

Although once he thought about it, Taeyong realised that Yuta had always had a knack for getting his way. Now that Yuta was aware of it Taeyong had a feeling it would be used to his advantage a lot more often.

He wondered what it would be like to have a power that wasn't constantly endangering everyone around you. He wouldn't have to worry about losing control, and hurting someone. Like he'd hurt that child.

"Taeyong?" He snapped out of his trance to see Johnny holding up a pair of trainers. "Are these yours?"

In the haste of moving, staff members had grabbed essential looking items from the dorm and everyone's belongings had gotten mixed up. They were currently sitting on the floor trying to sort it out.

Taeyong looked at the trainers, and shook his head. "No, those aren't mine." He started to focus on actually sorting the small pile of stuff that lay in front of him. "Whose laptop is thi-"

"Mine!" Doyoung snatched it as if he was afraid Taeyong would break it.

"What's up with the Calvin Klein underwear, guys?" Haechan said, sniggering.

"Hey, I said not to go through the underwear pile." Taeyong said.

"I'm trying to find mine!"

"Get your dirty gremlin hands _off them_!" Yuta said.

Haechan immediately lifted his hands before sending Yuta a glare. "Stop doing that. You know exactly what you're doing."

Yuta smirked. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"Oh my god, can you please stop?" Taeil groaned. "You're giving me a headache."

"Welcome to the club." Doyoung muttered.

"Doyoung, have you foreseen Yuta's death and am I the cause of it?" Haechan suddenly said.

"Keep your voice down." Taeyong said, feeling antsy about the others who were just down the hall. "We've talked about this."

"Come on, for all they know I'm joking."

"It's not worth the risk, okay?"

Haechan rolled his eyes.

"To answer your question," Doyoung said, "No. Now shut up and stop touching everyone else's underwear. Also, who uses the orange scented shampoo?"

"Oh, that's mine." Taeil said.

"You know what," Johnny began, "While they're fixing our dorm they might finally sort out the crappy electricity."

"Don't get your hopes up." Doyoung snorted. "They'll leave as soon as it's decent for living in again."

"Still, I can dream."

"I didn't even _sleep_ last night." Mark said.

"At least you're not sleeping on the floor. D'you think I can go back in time and become a member of the dream unit?" Johnny joked.

Mark winced. "Oh god, no. I just imagined that. That is weird."

"Agreed." Taeyong said.

Johnny pretended to be hurt. "Jeez, guys, I just wanna sleep in an actual bed."

"Aw, what a shame." Yuta said. "You won't be able to for a while."

"Haechan, I might join you in killing him."

"Yeah, you didn't have to rub it in, Yuta." Jaehyun said.

"That you guys don't get to sleep in beds and I do? Who knows, if you're nice to me I might let you have it for one night."

"How do you want to die, Yuta?" Haechan replied. "I can throw you so hard that your skull breaks, or I could just snap your neck in two. But I'm thinking it should be more painful."

"Yeah, I think he deserves that." Johnny nodded.

"You know what, I'm not even a little bit scared." Yuta said calmly.

"Then should I make you?" Taeil's shampoo started hovering in midair.

"Haechan, put it down!" Taeyong hissed.

As the boys continued bickering, in the corner of his eye he saw Winwin get up and leave the room. They only noticed once he slammed the door behind him.

"Oh, well done." Yuta snapped, gazing at the door worriedly.

"Don't blame _me_ for that-"

"Both of you are being insufferable!" Taeil yelled. "I can't blame him for leaving, cause you're doing my head in! The last thing we need right now is petty arguing. I don't give a shit who's sleeping in a bed or not, so stop being so childish."

There was a moment of silence, before Taeil got up and followed Winwin.

"Fuck..." Haechan muttered as the door slammed once again.

Yuta swallowed, before looking at Haechan. "Come on. We should go apologise."

Haechan picked up the still floating shampoo as if it would be some sort of peace offering, and they both left as well.

"Wouldn't be surprised if we all killed each other before those guys ever had the chance." Jaehyun mused, before picking up a sock. "Can you tell the difference between _any_ of these socks? Cause I'm at a loss."

"I suppose it doesn't matter as long as we wash them." Taeyong said.

"No one's killing anyone, Jaehyun." Doyoung said after a beat of silence, a certain firmness in his eyes as he did.

"I was joking, but okay. Catch." He threw a pair of socks at Doyoung who reluctantly caught them. "Those are yours now."

"Oh, joy."

Returning to the practice room was like a breath of fresh air from the cramped U dorm, despite the lingering tension between the members. The incident had left them all shaken, and liable to snap at the slightest annoyance.

Taeyong was certain that his stress was showing in his dancing. His expressions felt unnatural, as they contrasted the turmoil that he truly felt inside. All he was seeing was fire, over and over again.

"Taeyong, you're kind of..." Taeil pointed at his hand, clenched into a fist, that was engulfed in flames.

"Shit." Taeyong took a deep breath, making the flame extinguish. Luckily their dance instructor hadn't been in the room. "Sorry, I'm just-"

"Stressed." Taeil finished for him. "We all are. You don't need to apologise for it."

"I just... It feels like I could set fire to everything at any given moment, and trying not to is like trying to hold my breath forever."

"I envy the fact that you can do anything at all." Taeil responded. "I've been holding my breath for a while now."

"I could help you try to control it, but I'm barely capable myself."

"Hey, you haven't burned down the practice room. Count it as a win."

Taeyong laughed halfheartedly. "I suppose."

Whilst Taeil's statement rang true, Taeyong felt as though his control had been slipping. His previous outburst seemed to have destroyed all his progress. He didn't think he could be near fire again without losing it.

It would be so hard to practice at the U dorm as well, when their oblivious housemates could walk in at any moment. It was impossible to even have conversations about powers without fear of someone listening in. Taeyong wasn't sure he'd be able to cope with staying there much longer. Not when a loss of control could burn the entire building down.

Or hurt someone.

He shook his head, trying to get a hold of himself. If he thought about things like that it would only make it worse. He had to just stay calm. Easier said than done.

Dance practice went well after that incident,giving Taeyong a small glimmer of hope. They were, after all - on Doyoung's instruction - supposed to be acting like nothing drastic had happened. For everyone else, life had moved on, and it finally seemed to be dragging the members of 127 along with it. The comfort and familiarity of the routine made Taeyong feel a lot more okay about everything.

There was still a fire within him, just waiting to be ignited, but he would control it. He was determined to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed that chapter, it was a little cool off from the previous chapter before the chaos starts again. we’re (sort of) in arc two now? don’t ask how many arcs there’ll be, i honestly don’t know. but yeah, things are gonna be happening, i won’t say anymore.
> 
> i always appreciate comments and kudos, especially when i’m unmotivated or stressed. i did have a pretty good updating streak going on but school kinda threw that out the window. unfortunately it probably won’t calm down until late october after my mock exams, but i’ll try my best to update at least update once more between then.
> 
> also nct 2020! new members! i’m excited. obviously because of when this is set they won’t feature in this story, but maybe when i finish this(if i ever lol) i’ll try to write an ot23 fic? who knows
> 
> sorry for ranting so much, hope you guys enjoyed this one! have a nice day :)


	12. Chapter eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has been written for months, i just really felt nervous about posting it, but i’ve procrastinated long enough 
> 
> also there’s a small cameo from someone you guys have probably been waiting for :)
> 
> (tw death) ((unrelated to above))

_30th January, 2017_

In his sleep, Doyoung had another vision. He saw himself walking into an alley next to their local convenience store at the dead of night. That was all he saw, nothing at all indicating _why_ he went there. It was as if he was being told to go.

There was something so off about it, but he knew it would happen anyway. The visions always did, there was never any change. He half wanted to fight against this one, so that he'd have a chance of fighting the apocalypse, but another part of him was curious to see what would happen.

He wouldn't die, he knew that much. There was always the possibility of getting hit by a car again. Hopefully not.

After he woke up properly, he pushed himself off the thin mattress on the floor of dorm U's living room, and made his way to shower before everyone else. He pondered the vision some more, trying and failing to find any connections with his previous ones.

"These nonexistent walls between everyone are thin Doyoung, could you _maybe_ keep it down a little?" Johnny said as Doyoung walked out of the bathroom. "It's fucking four am."

"You're the person _least_ affected by it, Mr Timelord." Doyoung retorted, picking up his laptop up from where it lay next to his makeshift bed.

"Johnny was in _Doctor Who_?" Jungwoo trailed into the room, half asleep.

"Did I wake you up?" Doyoung asked instead of answering.

"Yeah. The walls _are_ thin."

"Sorry. I wanted a shower before the morning rush."

"Oh, yeah, sure, apologise to him but not me." Johnny muttered.

"Just go back to sleep." Doyoung replied, turning on his laptop and squinting at the bright light the screen gave off in the darkness.

"How about you turn your fucking laptop off and maybe I'll think about it."

"Just do your goddamn _thing_." Doyoung grumbled, thinking that although he didn't know the specifics of Johnny's power, there was probably time travel involved somewhere.

"I _can't_. I'm too tired. Guess why that is?"

"Then go back to when you weren't tired."

"Did you even hear a word of what I just said?"

"Yeah, and I'm saying you're the last person who should be complaining. Do you know how many times I've been woken up by vi-" Doyoung broke off, remembering Jungwoo was still there. God, it's like he'd turned invisible or something. Doyoung had completely forgotten he was there.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"You know what," Jungwoo said, "I'm just gonna..." He gestured to his room before going into it.

Doyoung let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding in. "Hope he's too tired to remember that."

"You really need to be more careful."

"Okay, clockman."

A day of practice went by, and Doyoung had no successful leads on who the people who'd attacked them were, nor any more details about the apocalypse. All he ever seemed to get was cryptic visions of dodgy alleyways and the like.

He made up the excuse of going the convenience store to slip away from the other members after practice, promising to buy their lists of demands despite the fact that he'd likely forget. The streets were dark and empty, just like his vision, as practice finished well into the early hours of nighttime.

He approached the alley next to the store, feeling apprehensive but strangely curious as well. As he walked further in, he saw a man standing at the end of it. In the dim lighting, he could make out the mark of a cross on the man's neck, like it had been burnt into his skin.

Looking closer, he saw that the man held a gun.

"I know what you can do, Doyoung." The man said. "I know why you came here."

"Are you going to kill me?" He didn't know why that was the first question to leave his lips. Survival instincts, perhaps.

The man's lip curled, and he glanced at the gun in his hands amusedly. "No. I'm here to make you an offer of sorts."

Doyoung's mind was whirring, connecting the dots, trying to piece together an answer to a question that had been plaguing him for a while.

"You, the men who attacked us; you're with them, right?"

"Yes. We're part of a discreet organisation targeting and eliminating gifted yet dangerous individuals."

There it was. The reason they'd been attacked.

"Discreet?" He scoffed. "Yeah, you were very discreet."

"I did not come here to be questioned by you. Like I said, I came here to make you an offer."

"Fine. Go on, then."

_Answers, answers,_ his mind was buzzing.

"You may wonder why I didn't kill you on sight. The reason is simple: unlike your other group members, your power is relatively harmless. Useful, even. We'd be willing to negotiate a deal with you, under... certain conditions."

A deal? So they would negotiate his life, but at what cost?

"And what are those conditions?"

"Help us eliminate the threat that your friends bring. If you can destroy their powers without killing them, that is fine. But through years of experience, we have found the only way to destroy powers is to kill the one in possession of them."

Doyoung felt his heartbeat pick up speed. He did not believe a word of what this man said. But he yearned for answers, so he played along.

"Why would I kill them just to save my own neck?"

"Not to save your own neck, Doyoung, but to save everyone else's. You've seen what your friends are capable of. You know the dangers they pose. You want to stop them."

"How do you know about what I saw? Do you- Do you know what will happen?"

"We know that something _will_ happen, unless we eliminate the threat that your friends' powers hold. So, Doyoung, what'll it be? Will you work together with us?"

Doyoung was about to tell the man _fat chance_, but a sheet of fire cut through his vision - he felt the searing heat of it as it passed him and hit the man, sending him tumbling to the ground. Taeyong stood at the edge of the alley, his hands raised and eyes afraid.

Of course he'd followed Doyoung here, and ruined the only chance he had for answers.

"What the fuck did you just do?" Doyoung muttered, his eyes drifting to the man. He showed no signs of life.

"O-Oh god..." Taeyong put a hand over his mouth and staggered before landing on his knees. "I-I didn't... didn't..."

He'd seen the gun, hadn't he? With no context of the situation, Taeyong must've thought the man was about to shoot Doyoung.

With reluctance, Doyoung bent over and checked for signs of breathing. There was nothing at all. The distinct smell of burnt flesh drifted to his nose, and he gagged, stepping backwards.

"You just-" He felt the panic begin to set in. "You just killed him..."

Taeyong let out a choked sound. "I, I panicked, I d-didn't mean to, I-" He broke off as a sob wracked his body. Doyoung could see the pain in his eyes.

He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself. "Okay. Okay, Taeyong, we need to get out of here."

"...wasn't the first..."

"Taeyong?" Doyoung said quietly. "Can you stand?"

Taeyong nodded, as if he didn't trust himself to speak. He got to his feet, and Doyoung slung an arm around his shoulders.

In any other situation Doyoung would've called the police. But when his friend was the one responsible, his only concern was getting the fuck out of there. Taeyong looked inches away from a panic attack, maybe he was already there. Doyoung's priority was to get him back to the dorm, trying not to think about the charred corpse he had seen die before his very own eyes.

"We're nearly there." He said as they walked up the stairs, tightening his hold around Taeyong's trembling form.

As soon as they passed through the door, Taeyong squirmed out of his grasp and ran straight for the bathroom. Hearing the sound of him throwing up didn't help suppress Doyoung's urge to do the same.

He stood in the hallway, trying to wrap his head around what had happened. He was partially responsible for it, although the sickness he felt must've paled in comparison to how Taeyong felt at that moment.

"Doyoung, what's going on?" Taeil walked into the hallway.

"It's-" He swallowed. "It's nothing."

Another lie again.

"Is Taeyong sick?"

He hesitated. "Yes."

He was too shell shocked to even think straight. He couldn't think of a cover story, all he could focus on was that dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach.

This was what powers did. They killed people. If Doyoung stood by and did nothing, how many more people would die?

It was almost easy to understand that man's view on powers now. Doyoung had seen destruction in his visions but seeing it before his own eyes finally made him believe what he'd been too scared to admit. There had to be some solution to it all.

He didn't believe that the solution was death. No matter the reason, killing someone never brought anything good with it. There was nothing, no feeble excuse that could excuse murder in his eyes. It was inhumane.

Taeyong had just killed someone. But Taeyong was his friend, and it had been an accident. Taeyong was human, he made mistakes. He hadn't intentionally ripped someone's life away as these people seemed to be doing.

The solution to stopping the apocalypse was not killing, it never would be; it wasn't right. There would be another way. He would find it. And he would stop his vision from coming true.

"Are _you_ okay?" Taeil said, looking concerned.

He took a deep breath. "I'm fine." There wasn't time to dwell on this. It didn't matter if Doyoung was okay, what mattered was making sure Taeyong never lost control again.

He went into the bathroom to see Taeyong sitting on the floor, still shaking. His eyes were hollow, as lost as ashes floating in the wind. He looked straight at Doyoung, but it was clear that he saw nothing.

Doyoung knelt down beside him, making as little noise as he could.

"It's always an accident..." Taeyong murmured, his lips barely moving. "Accidents, mistakes. How many more mistakes will I make?"

"Taeyong, listen to me." Doyoung looked him in the eyes, trying to get him to _see something_ other than his pain. "You're no murderer. It won't happen again, because you'll learn to control it." Was he trying to convince himself of this just as much? "You know that you're not a murderer. You were trying to protect me. I won't let you lose control again. I promise."

That word was heavy on his tongue. He knew that it would be the very thing to condemn him. But there was another way. He would fight the vision. And no one would fucking die.

"I'm sorry..." Taeyong rasped.

"I know. But we keep moving forward, yeah?"

He got a tiny nod from Taeyong, and nearly cried with relief. This was not the man who set a city aflame. This was his friend, his brother, whose heart was full of compassion. It seemed impossible that he could ever change.

He would personally fuck fate up if Taeyong changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo yeah
> 
> that was one hell of a chapter 
> 
> i love hearing everyone’s theories and thoughts in the comments, so i’d especially like to know what you think about the big Moral Question here
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed, i’ll try not to leave updating til two months again (but i do have exams which are very ahhh)
> 
> twitter: @midnightmxnwalk

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading this! i promise i’ll make it worth your while. i’ve spent a lot of time on this, trying to make it as perfect as i can. i can’t promise i’ll update often at all, but i’ll try to make each chapter worth the wait.
> 
> Follow my twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/macaronwriting


End file.
